My jokes

I asked a man if I was the fastest gun in the west. He said my 17 wasn't good enough. After that, a lot of lead went into his head.

My first name is Al and my last name is Coholic :) #yuengling.f/wat

Am I the only one who's on here because it's not blocked on the school laptop and I can't use my phone in class?

Cows go moo.

Some guy asked me, "Are you better than my meat?" I said, "No, I'm not better, I just beat it all the time."

Little Johnny sits on a chair. He notices he is sitting on something. Then he sees a plastic di**. He asks his mom, "What's that?" and Mom didn't know, so when his dad comes home from work, he sees him with the plastic di** and says, "Son, why you messing with my personal toy?"

When my dad left, he said he would bring back the milk, but 20 years later he only came with my new sister and eggs. And I confronted him, and he said, "I used all the milk to make your sister."

Yo, hairline is a distraction to my barber because he wanna fix it so bad (because of how bad it looks).

My mom told me to be positive...

I was heading to an HIV test.

My mom once told me to spread positivity across the world, so I did.

I spread Covid across the globe because I tested positive :D

My mother told me to be positive, but she said that when I was going to do an AIDS test.

My dad seen RuPaul's Drag Race?

Asked when will they do up the cars!

I lost my driver's license today. I hit my ex with my car.

"Hee hee touch my pp."

I still remember my dad's last words, "You c***! You let the ladder go, you cuuunt!"

Smack! He hit the ground and bled out.

I’ll never forget my Grandfather’s last words to me just before he died. “Are you still holding the ladder?”

I made a website for orphans. It doesn’t have a home page.

What’s the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body? I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.

What is the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman? One is a superhero and the other is a simple command.

22. Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

24. When does a joke become a dad joke? When it leaves you and never comes back.

31. My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. So I unplugged his life support.

It’s important to establish a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between the words “antidote” and “anecdote,” one of my best friends would still be alive.

My mom died when we couldn’t remember her blood type. As she died, she kept telling us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without her.

Me and my friends were having a party the other day when some bitch came bitching about the noise. Thankfully, she was hot and had a nice ass, so it was enjoyable raping her.

The next day when I woke up, I found her body only half eaten. Her lower body was still intact, so I went for seconds to fuck off the hangover. Then I had breakfast. Her ass tasted good with some ketchup.