My jokes

Dear doctor,

I've heard it's a good sign when women scream your first name during sex, but recently women have been screaming my full name. It's weird, I feel like I'm famous. Can you tell me what this means?

Yours Truly, Ray Palp

My fondest childhood memory was building sandcastles with my grandfather. That is, until my mom took the urn away from me.

I was having issues in my personal and professional life. I hated everyone. I was on the brink of a mental breakdown and depression. I decided to see a therapist about it. The therapist suggested that I should write letters to the people I hate and then burn them. I must admit I feel much better...

But now I don't know what to do with the letters.

My grandma was telling me to be positive, as I was going in for an AIDS test.

I took my son to a driver's school and am surprised because he got his license but soon lost the privilege to drive a car because he ran over my ex on "accident."

(I gotta go pay him out of jail!)

Scratches on an icy road and kills 50 people on the bus, and when they get to Heaven, God feels so bad for them and grants them all one wish.

The first lady in the line was always worried about her looks, so she wished to be beautiful, and the guy behind her couldn’t think of what to wish about, so he also wished to be beautiful. This kept on going, but the guy at the end of the line started to laugh. When he got to God, God says, “What is your one wish, my son?” He said, “I wish you can make them all ugly again.”

My dad died in the attacks. He was the best pilot Pakistan has ever seen, Allahu Akbar!

My dad died in the attacks. He was the best pilot for Pakistan.

I don't joke about 9/11 because I lost my dad. He was the best pilot I ever knew.

My girlfriend broke up with me today. Her mom had to take her to daycare. 😢😢😢

Scissoring is nice when I grind my wee wee on my wife’s clit.

Humping that little guy is like riding a wet butt plug.

It’s nice hitting it from the back when my wife has wide hips.

Her butt cheeks look like big huge ball sacks as my thighs smack up against them when I’m thrusting. I like to finish off by grinding my weiner up and down her back like a gay man frotting his schlong on his partner’s ding dong.

The highest praise my wife gave to me was when she told me, "The best feminine attribute on your body as a woman would be your p🍆nis." 🥰

The best night of my life was when I gave my virginity to my wife, and her last word was when she called me "Mommy" at the top of her lungs before I knocked her up 😍.

My wife and I’s gay marriage counselor advised us to watch porn together. So, we decided to try it out one day and search up lesbian shemale porn.

And that’s the day she found out she was a porn star.

I got breast implants for my wife to squeeze on as she thrusts on my meat while straddled in between my legs.

My newly wed wife is a porn star. She would probably kill me if she found out.

My family is like a cactus. They're a bunch of pricks.

My dad said not to touch this thingy called a gun, but I looked down that pole and pressed that thing, and now I'm in heaven.

Lionel: Leona, please no more singing your annoying Fuzzy Bear song!

Leona: But I love my song, right Fuzzy?

Fuzzy Bear: I am going to bite you for not letting your sister sing my song!

*Fuzzy Bear bites Lionel*

Lionel: AHHHHHHH