My jokes

No joke. I just want to say that my thoughts are with the Ukrainian people, and I wish them the best. Best of luck.

What's the difference between my girlfriend and my uncle?

My girlfriend didn't go to jail for loving me.

What’s the similarity between a broken pencil and my life? They’re both pointless.

I was digging outside and I found my child's old toy, so I ran to find him, but I could not find him, so I was searching for about 6 hours, but then I remembered why I was digging......

If an old person tells you what to do just say, "At least my parents are alive!"

I asked a man if I was the fastest gun in the west. He said my 17 wasn't good enough. After that, a lot of lead went into his head.

My first name is Al and my last name is Coholic :) #yuengling.f/wat

Am I the only one who's on here because it's not blocked on the school laptop and I can't use my phone in class?

Cows go moo.

Some guy asked me, "Are you better than my meat?" I said, "No, I'm not better, I just beat it all the time."

Little Johnny sits on a chair. He notices he is sitting on something. Then he sees a plastic di**. He asks his mom, "What's that?" and Mom didn't know, so when his dad comes home from work, he sees him with the plastic di** and says, "Son, why you messing with my personal toy?"

When my dad left, he said he would bring back the milk, but 20 years later he only came with my new sister and eggs. And I confronted him, and he said, "I used all the milk to make your sister."

Yo, hairline is a distraction to my barber because he wanna fix it so bad (because of how bad it looks).

My mom told me to be positive...

I was heading to an HIV test.

My mom once told me to spread positivity across the world, so I did.

I spread Covid across the globe because I tested positive :D

My mother told me to be positive, but she said that when I was going to do an AIDS test.

My dad seen RuPaul's Drag Race?

Asked when will they do up the cars!

I lost my driver's license today. I hit my ex with my car.

"Hee hee touch my pp."

I still remember my dad's last words, "You c***! You let the ladder go, you cuuunt!"

Smack! He hit the ground and bled out.

I’ll never forget my Grandfather’s last words to me just before he died. “Are you still holding the ladder?”