My jokes
One day, a priest loses his cock (chicken). He goes to the church and says, "Who has seen a cock?" All the women raised their hands. "No, who has seen a cock that is not theirs?" Half the women's hands went up. "No, no, no, who has seen my cock?" All the nuns' hands went up.
My mother was so sad after my grandpa's death, she went into the bathroom with my uncle, and I could hear their moans of sorrow. She then surprised me later on, saying that she was pregnant.
My advice to suicidal people: just hang in there. 🕺
I don't need to go to the car dealership when I have a Geico scanner on my arm at all times. 😏
"Never gonna give, never gonna give (Give you up) We've known each other for so long Your heart's been aching, but You're too shy to say it Inside, we both know what's been going on We know the game and we're gonna play it I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling Gotta make you understand Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down Never gonna run around and desert you Never gonna make you cry Never gonna say goodbye Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you." mucho_mango: just woke up from my dream what was that.
I wonder if Stephen Hawking was an organ donor because I need new parts for my go-kart.
I wonder if Stephen Hawking was an organ donor, because I need new parts for my go-kart.
Have you watched the show "Naked and Afraid"? Well, I play it every Saturday with my uncle.
Donald Trump and the Pope were standing on a platform in front of a crowd of people. The Pope said to Donald Trump, “I can make everyone in this audience happy with one small swipe of my hand.”
Donald Trump replies, “That’s not possible. You’ll have to show me.” Then the Pope slaps him.
Me: Want to play 911?
My little brother: What's that?
Me: It's where I kick your legs and you fall.
Your hairline jokes are so bad that they make me want to rip all my hair out.
The police: Pull over!
The kid: Do you know who my dad is?
The police: What, your mom did not tell you?
My friend has glasses, and we were talking about owls, and I told my friend to give an owl glasses. I told my friend that it'd be a spectacled owl!
If someone who speaks two languages is bilingual, and someone who speaks many languages is multilingual, then what do you call someone who speaks one language?
An American.
I got a GTR yesterday, now my kids say, "GTR we there yet?"
Bully: My d*ck is longer than your password. Me: I don't have a password. So you *won't* have a d*ck after I tear it off you.
I was bullying a little kid for having a purple eye and said, "Where'd you get that? Your mom? Your dad?"
After that, everyone in my group was laughing at the kid. The next day I never saw him again.
To the guy in a wheelchair who stole my camouflage coat: you can hide, but you can't run.
I had a huge crush on this girl when I was eight. One recess we met together on the playground, and she brought me to the corner of the playground. That was my first kiss, and from there it got serious. I told my parents a week later and they freaked out, called the police, and they arrested my crush. I miss Mrs. Johnson.
I wish Stephen Hawking was an organ donor. I need some parts for my laptop.