My jokes

One day my mom told me to take out the trash, and I did. The next day, mom asked me, "Where is your sister?" and I said, "A garbage truck took her." Mom started running to try and get the truck before it left.

Roses are red, violets are blue, my mom and dad died, next you'll be gone too.

When you tell her you are about to "COME," she says no, don't, please just keep going.

Shenron: THAT IS BEYOND MY POWER.

What did Vegeta say to Bulma?

What?

Can I show you my new move? It's called BIG BANG ATTACKKKK! :)

What do my balls and emos have in common?

...Nothing, they both hang themselves...

playing irl fruit ninja on my arm.

My mom told me to clean the sink, but I couldn’t find you.

A man goes to a doctor and says he's having problems shitting, so the doctor gives him an enema and says he needs to do it a few times at home, but does the first one for him. So the guy bends over the table, lubes him up, and shoves it deep in him, and he yells.

So later, the man goes home and tells his wife he needs her help with the enema. So he bends over, she lubes him up, puts a hand on his shoulder, and she shoves it up there, and he starts screaming and cussing, and the wife asks, "Did I hurt you?" He said, "No, I just realized when the doctor did it, he had both hands on my shoulders."

Ur mom.

Oops my bad! 😬

Yesterday I was in a wind storm.

Today my ears hurt. I guess the wind was ear-itating.

Chris Rock: Jada, I can't wait to see you in G.I. Jane 2!

Fresh Prince of Bel-Air theme song starts playing:

Will: "I got in one lil' fight about my wife's lost hair, she said, 'Will, if you don't do something I'm gonna have an affair!'" 😂😂😂

When you ask an orphan to come over:

Kid: "Do you want to come over to my house?"

Orphan: "Yeah, sure."

Kid: "Ok, ask your parents—oh wait."

Muslim child to his mother: "Mom, why is my backpack so heavy?"

Mom: "Allahu Akbar, my son, Allahu Akbar!"

I know the voices in my head aren't real, but man, do they have some good ideas.

What do Jesus and I have in common?

No one knows my real bday either.

What's the difference between an emo and my clothes?

My clothes don't hang themselves.

Roses are red, violets are blue, my heart is dead, I'm such a fool. -Juice Wrld

My crush: "I cut 4 inches off my hair yesterday." Me: "So?" My crush: "4 inches is a lot!" Me: "Oh yeah?"

I wish my nails were emo so that they would cut themselves.

Been getting a lot of paper cuts on my fingers lately, I guess it's a sign I should go lower.