My jokes

My girlfriend left me for spending my own money. I buy this bitch thousands upon thousands of dollars worth of stuff, but I spend 100 dollars on a prostitute, she leaves me.

I got my daughter a trampoline for her birthday. The ungrateful bitch just sat there in her wheelchair and cried.

My teacher: If you could go anywhere, where would you go?

Me: Demon Slayer.

My teacher: Why?

The quiet kid: TO GET EATEN BY A DEMON OR BECOME ONE!!!

My mom: If your friend jumped off a bridge, would you?

Me: No.

Attack on Titan music starts playing in my head.

You wonder where my dad is.

Meanwhile, Dad: It's good to be at milk island!

Love that dress; it would look much better on my floor, though.

I still remember the last thing my grandfather said before kicking the bucket: "Hey, wanna see how far I can kick this bucket?"

My friend entered a pun contest. He entered ten, figuring at least one of them would win, but no pun in ten did.

So, my friend and I were talking this time. I asked them what they would do if they ever met Rengoku. They said that they would probably like shake his hand or something, but I said I would lick his forehead. Wtf?

Hey, I know this is a classic joke but I found it pretty funny!

"My name is 4, four like the number," my friend said. "What, was 1 2 3 taken?"

I can even with it but I was bored and decided to share this.

My girlfriend broke up with me, so I took her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?

I'm surprised that the tree is still standing when my emo friend is hanging from it.

Me: The light wow brighter than my future.

Fortnite battle pass, I just shit out my ass. The school: You did what?

What’s the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body? I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.

I have MP3s on my computer that are older than Johnny Depp's new significant other.

My grandfather has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the National Zoo.

I got fired from my job at the bank today.

An old lady came in and asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

I got jealous of the zebras. Sorry, I’ll cut it out. I wanted to practice for my med school test.

My dad was in 9/11, that's rude, and he was a great pilot.