Mouth jokes
Why is it that a physically disabled gay white male will refuse to ask his boss that is an abled bodied gay white male for an increase in his paycheck?
Since he has a very big white dick in his mouth, that could be the reason why.
The two biggest dyslexic guy lies: "My check is in your mouth," and "I won't come in your mailbox."
Suzy: How did Jonah fit in the whale?
Teacher: Whales are very big but have small mouths, so Jonah did not actually fit in the whale.
Suzy: Well, the Bible says he did.
Teacher: He did not.
Suzy: When I get to heaven I will ask him how he fit in.
Teacher: How do you know he went to heaven? Maybe he went to hell.
Suzy: Then you can ask him.
Q: What do you call a zombie with no mouth?
A: Useless.
I am not telling you twice, your mouth stinks, so go burn your house down like a crazy mad woman, and I will call the cops like, "WTH," because you are so fat.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Ahoy Mateys.
Ahoy Mateys who?
Ahoy mateys, balls fit in your mouth? LOLOLOLOLOLOL
What do you call Scooby Doo with a blunt in his mouth? Scooby Dooby.
Peter: Curses!
Jacob: Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?
Peter: *Crying*
Jacob: Why are you crying?
Jacob: Whatever. *Leaves orphanage*
If a simp is staring at you, cover your mouth (they'll stop looking).
Do you like In-N-Out?
Yes, why? In and out of your mouth.
The only thing running in THIS family’s your big ass mouth! Oh, I’d better shut up, or Big Bertha’s gonna confuse my head for a burger!
What does a squirrel eat? Deez Nutz in their mouth.
What did the fish say to the other fish when it got hooked?
"That's what you get for not keeping your mouth shut."
Which hole talks faster? Your mouth or your ass? Can't tell the difference because they both run shit at once.
What do Donald Trump and a dick have in common?
Liberals can't keep either one out of their mouths.
My friend was getting bullied so I went over and asked him to stop. It went a little bit like this:
Me: Dude, leave her alone. Him: Beat it, b*tch. *lots of arguing and swearing* Me: Ya know! The smartest thing that ever came outta your mouth was probably a penis. Him: *walks away*
My brother goes into the bar and says, "Bartender, give me 12 beers and a shot of whiskey." The bartender says, "That's a lot of alcohol." My brother says, "I'm celebrating my first blowjob." The bartender said, "Let me buy you a drink." My brother said, "No, this should be enough to get the taste out of my mouth."
I have 3 eyes, 2 ears, and 6 mouths, what am I?
UGLY!
A man's daughter comes home from school and asks her dad if she can borrow the car.
The father replies, "No, it's too late at night."
The daughter says, "C'mon, Dad. I'll do anything."
The dad says, "OK, suck my dick."
The daughter says, "No, that's disgusting."
The dad says, "You want the car. You said you'll do anything."
The daughter agrees. Just as she is about to put her father's dick into her mouth, she stops and says, "Eww, Dad, your dick smells like shit."
The dad replies, "Yeah, well, your brother borrowed the car about an hour ago."
"My name must taste good; it's always in your mouth."