Mortality jokes
The last words from a depressive person are: "I finally see a train!"
Cancer kids be like: "When I grow up... lol nevermind."
This joke never gets old. Just like the child.
Man dies.
Friend: Knock knock.
Me: Who's there?
Friend: Your life.
Me: Ahhh, I wish!
*jumps off building*
Why did the mailman die?
Because everyone dies.
My dad drove past a graveyard. He said, "I won't be buried there." I asked why.
He said, "Because I am not dead yet!"
More like so they can fuck him, am I right?
Why did Stephen Hawking go to hell?
Because he couldn’t go up the stairs to heaven.
What do children with cancer and Russian soldiers have in common? Their life doesn't last long.
Where is a place where people die?
Rosshall Academy.
Why do dead babies cry? Just kidding, they are dead.
What do you call a blind person driving a car?
Died.
I’m rather relaxed about death.
From quite an early age, I’ve regarded it as part of the deal, the unwritten guarantee that comes with your birth certificate.
I hope death is a woman. That way, she'll never come for me.
It is September. What's the difference between a stage four colon cancer patient and Santa Claus? Santa is coming for Christmas!
I don't like them white, pale, always talking about death EMO kids!
Sorry, I meant CHEMO kids.
Wanna see a mistake go on camera and take a pic of you?
Yo mama so old, her photos are in a museum and her friends are in a graveyard.
Leo might not be the dumbest person in the world... but she’d better hope they don’t DIE!
I keep hearing "Obesity kills."
My only question is "Why is it taking so long?"