Why did Stephen Hawking go to hell?
Because he couldn’t go up the stairs to heaven.
Mortality Jokes
I hope death is a woman. That way, she'll never come for me.
What do you call a blind person driving a car?
Died.
I’m rather relaxed about death.
From quite an early age, I’ve regarded it as part of the deal, the unwritten guarantee that comes with your birth certificate.
What do children with cancer and Russian soldiers have in common? Their life doesn't last long.
Where is a place where people die?
Rosshall Academy.
Why do dead babies cry? Just kidding, they are dead.
The doctor said I have until 2:30 to live.
That’s like 20 years from now, I said.
He looks at the time. It’s 2:30.
Yo mama so old, her photos are in a museum and her friends are in a graveyard.
"Mommy, Mommy! Are we going to live forever?"
"Only in your dreams."
A boy couldn't walk normally because his pants were huge, and when he went to school, the people there made so many jokes about him that he died.
IT'S NOT TRUE, JUST A FAKE JOKE, DON'T WORRY!
Life's a bitch, and then you die. I now see what they mean.
What's the difference between me and a corpse? I mean, I'm not dead... yet, right?
What do you call a graveyard full of disabled people?
A cabbage patch.
TJ's hairline so far back you still couldn't find it when the Devil was alive.
What's the best competition to do with an orphan?
Which orphan had their parent for the longest?
Why is death taken so lightly?
Because you can take it so quickly.
What's worse than 100 dead babies in a skip?
The one that's still alive in the middle trying to eat its way out.
Why is death taken so lightly?
Because anyone can take it.
Everyone becomes happy when they complete the last stage of the game.
But the cancer patients aren't.
