Mortality jokes
The last words from a depressive person are: "I finally see a train!"
Friend: Knock knock.
Me: Who's there?
Friend: Your life.
Me: Ahhh, I wish!
*jumps off building*
Why did the mailman die?
Because everyone dies.
My dad drove past a graveyard. He said, "I won't be buried there." I asked why.
He said, "Because I am not dead yet!"
Why are there gates on a graveyard?
Because people are dying to get inside. Lol
What were the last words of your grandma in 2020?
"Oh, I think I forgot my mask!"
More like so they can fuck him, am I right?
Why did Stephen Hawking go to hell?
Because he couldn’t go up the stairs to heaven.
What do children with cancer and Russian soldiers have in common? Their life doesn't last long.
I hope death is a woman. That way, she'll never come for me.
I’m rather relaxed about death.
From quite an early age, I’ve regarded it as part of the deal, the unwritten guarantee that comes with your birth certificate.
What do you call a blind person driving a car?
Died.
Where is a place where people die?
Rosshall Academy.
Why do dead babies cry? Just kidding, they are dead.
It is September. What's the difference between a stage four colon cancer patient and Santa Claus? Santa is coming for Christmas!
Wanna see a mistake go on camera and take a pic of you?
The doctor said I have until 2:30 to live.
That’s like 20 years from now, I said.
He looks at the time. It’s 2:30.
Yo mama so old, her photos are in a museum and her friends are in a graveyard.
What's the difference between me and a corpse? I mean, I'm not dead... yet, right?
What's worse than 100 dead babies in a skip?
The one that's still alive in the middle trying to eat its way out.