Mortality jokes
How do you get an orphan to go to sleep?
Tell them their parents are waiting when they wake up.
Life's a bitch, and then you die. I now see what they mean.
Beneath this monumental stone Lise, 80 pounds of skin and bone.
What's the difference between 63 cents and Princess Diana?
It's easier to scrape up 63 cents.
You know every time we think of sex, an angel dies.
We ran out of dead people hundreds of years ago.
Once there was an old lady...
Congratulations, stop bragging!
What's the difference between a bus full of children and a fish?
The fish can swim.
I don't call it suicide. I call it population control.
Dark humor is like a boy with cancer.
They never get old.
"Mommy, Mommy! Are we going to live forever?"
"Only in your dreams."
Q. What's the difference between my phone battery and an anti-vax kid?
A. Nothing, they both die at ten.
Why did the baby cross the road? Because he wanted to die.
What did the make-a-wish kid say to the staff? "I don't wanna go to Disneyland, I wanna live longer."
There is a thin line between death and life!
You won't live to see it.....
The Cardiogram will!!
How is a child with cancer and dark humor similar? They never get old.
Son: Dad, I have black skin and you have white skin, are you sure you're my parents?
Dad: Oh... well I never thought it would come to this, or to your head that you were kidnapped...
Son: Am I kidnapped?
Dad: Well, you're adopted, and if you want to see your biological parents, they’ll be waiting for you in heaven.
Life is like a box of chocolates... It ends sooner for fat people.
It's okay to tell a Stephen Hawking joke if there are stairs in your house he can't get to you. Plus, he shut himself down, so it's all good :)
I am a dead baby. -end joke-
What's the worst thing about committing suicide? You can only do it once.
What's the only regret you would have when you eventually kill yourself? It wasn't sooner.