Mores jokes
Oh, Lois, that was more scary than Michael Jackson without pants in front of a kid!
It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. It's true.
I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.
If I was any more inbred, I'd be a sandwich.
More expresso, less depresso. Jk, let's all drink bleach cuz life is a bitch.
"I hope my death would make more sense than my life."- Joker
Memes
A Person that puts a RickRoll in a book is actually the hero we all needed...
Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.
Did you know there are black holes billions of years old?
What’s more amazing is the black holes Stephen Hawking studied. We're only 14 years old.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
He was just feeling like he needed a break, you know? Life is hard when you're a rooster looking after your hen and chicks. He just wanted a sense of normality, walking out of the farm. He felt light-headed, staring into the distance. Then, at this very moment, he realised it was his darkest hour.
Join us for more of the story, after the break!
Trump, must I say more?
My credit card is more declined than the love from my dad.
1 like = 1 more missile aimed at a hospital.
Whenever a woman files a rape accusation, it’s obviously fake. Even the cows at my farm are more likely, at least they aren’t flat.
Why do more women than men oppose abortion? Because they prefer not to get raped.
A cannibal went to the dietitian, and he got told to eat more vegetables, so he ate a disabled person.
A cell phone in an upscale gym locker room in NYC rings and the man puts it on loud speaker next to him. Everyone else in the room stops to listen:
Man: Hello? Woman: Hi honey, it's me. Are you at the club? Man: Yes. Woman: I’m out shopping and found a beautiful leather coat. It’s only $2,000 – is it OK if I buy it? Man: Sure, go ahead if you like it that much. Woman: I also stopped by that new Lexus dealership and saw one of the new models I really like – it’s on an opening special. Man: How much? Woman: $90,000. Man: Wow! OK, but for that price I want it with all the options. Woman: Great! Oh, and one more thing... I was just talking to Jamie and found out that the house we wanted to buy last year is back on the market... they’re asking $980,000 for it. Remember it was well over a million when we looked at it? Man: I dunno. Make an offer for $900,000 and they’ll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra $80,000 if that’s what you really want. Woman: OK. I’ll see you later! I love you so much! Man: I love you to.
The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room were staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open.
The man turns around and says: “Anyone know whose phone this is?”
Me: I have depression.
Someone: You should get out more! Go outside!
Me: *goes to the beach* Now it's a tropical depression.
Sister: I don't want to do it, but...
Me: No more butts! Butts are too yuck to be in this sentence.
Mom told me to get more in touch with my feminine side. So, I crashed the car.
Uranus is larger than Neptune, but Neptune is more massive/heavier. (Fact not joke, also Neptune, don't kill me!)
Why was the obtuse angle hot?
It was more than 90 degrees.