Mores jokes
How do you know the baby's dead? The dog plays with it more.
Never eat more than you can lift.
A teacher asked her young students to get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day, the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories. There were all the regular type of stuff.
But then the teacher realized that only Janie was left. "Janie, do you have a story to share?" "Yes madam... My daddy told me a story about my Mom." "OK, let’s hear,” said the teacher.
“My Mom was a Marine pilot in Operation Desert Storm in Iraq and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn’t break and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops.” “She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands.”
Pin drop silence in the class!
"Good Heavens," said the horrified teacher, "What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story?"
“Stay away from Mummy when she’s drunk...!!!”
What planets do Astronauts like to pee on?
Uranus!
(Say this out loud and it will make more sense.)
So uh, I did this thing where I put soap on my brother's toothbrush, and then I put more on and colored it to make it look like toothpaste, and uh, he is constipated now. I AM EVIL :3
My mom: "Dear, I don't know why your grandma is spending more time with her friend Carla, can you spy on her?"
Me: "Your mom gay lol."
My mom: "Don't talk about your grandma like that, you rude girl."
You: "Your mom gay lol."
"People are more honest when they are tired, so I made my nephew do push-ups 50 times when I realized he stole my cookies."
When there are more suicidal people, it means there are fewer suicidal people. That means there is an infinite generator of them.
What do a Rubik's Cube and a dick have in common?
The more you play with them, the harder they get.
Last post for today, but I had to say one more thing! Tomorrow I am going to Six Flags, and I am literally so excited! It is going to be so much fun. Hope you guys have a good MLK JR. day! Woohooo!
What do a penis and a Rubik’s Cube have in common?
The more you play with it, the harder it gets.
I'm gonna eat a hell of a lot of popcorn kernels before I die just to make the cremation a little more interesting.
Yo forehead so big it receives more than the Pacific Ocean!
If a person kills their counselor, does that mean that they don't need therapy anymore?
http://zebrahumor.wordpress.com has more zebra jokes.
What's more sensitive than a pushy?
A Western man on the internet.
You know why the Twin Towers were more remembered? A hexagon is more commendable than a pentagon.
What is more fun than spinning a clown around on a clothes line at 100 miles an hour?
Stopping it with a pitchfork.
What's worse than a dead baby?
A pile of dead babies.
What's worse than that?
One's alive at the bottom.
What's even worse than THAT?
It eats it's way out.
Wait it gets worse...
It goes back for seconds.
Just one more I swear...
It fucks one of it's siblings at the bottom.
My Crandall just be smashing more than you ON DA GIRLS, and he was slapping your girl last night harder than WILL at the OSCARS! ;)