My girlfriend's dog died, so I got her a new one in replacement, and she went off on me and yelled,
"What am I supposed to do with 2 dead dogs in my house?!"
Morbid Jokes
SON: βMommy, I found Daddy!β
MOM: βWhat did I tell you about digging in the garden?β
Whatβs the difference between peanut butter and a dead baby?
Dogs only lick peanut butter off private parts.
What do you call an obese man with bipolar? Twins.
I like my women like how I like my cocaine, smuggled and cut clean.
What do you call a deaf animal?
Anything, it can't hear you.
Q: Why was the leper hockey game cancelled?
A: There was a face off in the corner.
Hippity hoppity, Hiroshima, Nagasaki.
What's funny about dead baby jokes? - They never get old.
What's the difference between a child and a book?
One doesn't scream when you snap its neck.
How do you punish Helen Keller?
You leave the plunger in the toilet.
Q: How come in airports, they park the planes outside?
A: They don't belong in buildings.
"Where exactly are you taking me, doctor?"
"To the morgue."
"What? But Iβm not dead yet!"
"And weβre not there yet."
Ejaculated in her braces, call that children behind bars.
Why did Mia Khalifa become so famous?
Because she blew up.
What's the difference between a penis and a gun?
A child doesn't cry when a gun goes off in its mouth.
Iβm old enough to remember innocent times when the worst headline was plane hijackers flying into buildings.
Doctor: You'll be at peace soon, sir.
Me: What? Am I dying?
Doctor: No, your wife is.
Daughter: Mommy?
Mom: Hey.
Daughter: What kind of kids do they use to make Sour Patch Kids?
Mom: They donβt use kids to make Sour Patch Kids.
Daughter: Oh, thatβs why the ones I made taste kind of funny...
What is the difference between a wagon filled with sand and a wagon filled with newborns?
You cannot unload the sand with a pitchfork.
