Morbid jokes

Morbid jokes

Brother

Today was the worst day ever! My brother got run over, and I lost my driver's license!

Garden

SON: “Mommy, I found Daddy!”

MOM: “What did I tell you about digging in the garden?”

Peanut Butter

What’s the difference between peanut butter and a dead baby?

Dogs only lick peanut butter off private parts.

Leper

Q: Why was the leper hockey game cancelled?

A: There was a face off in the corner.

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  • Child

    What's the difference between a child and a book?

    One doesn't scream when you snap its neck.

    Plane

    Q: How come in airports, they park the planes outside?

    A: They don't belong in buildings.

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  • Morgue

    "Where exactly are you taking me, doctor?"

    "To the morgue."

    "What? But I’m not dead yet!"

    "And we’re not there yet."

    Gun

    What's the difference between a penis and a gun?

    A child doesn't cry when a gun goes off in its mouth.

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  • Time

    I’m old enough to remember innocent times when the worst headline was plane hijackers flying into buildings.

    Wife

    Doctor: You'll be at peace soon, sir.

    Me: What? Am I dying?

    Doctor: No, your wife is.

    Daughter

    Daughter: Mommy?

    Mom: Hey.

    Daughter: What kind of kids do they use to make Sour Patch Kids?

    Mom: They don’t use kids to make Sour Patch Kids.

    Daughter: Oh, that’s why the ones I made taste kind of funny...

    Newborn

    What is the difference between a wagon filled with sand and a wagon filled with newborns?

    You cannot unload the sand with a pitchfork.