Morbid jokes

Morbid Jokes

Man

Men vacuum in the same way that they have sex.

They just put it in and make some noise for 3 minutes before they collapse on the couch and think that their wife should be really happy.

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  • Kid

    If a special ed kid is late to class, is it okay to call me a little tardy?

    Orphanage

    Alex: Dad, can we get me a little brother from the orphanage?

    Dad: Sure, Alex! We're here!

    Orphanage manager: Alex! You are so big now!

    Alex: Dad, what is she talking about?!

    Willis

    Knock knock?

    Who's there?

    Willis.

    Willis who?

    Willis dick fit in yo mouth?!

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  • Baby

    Q: How many dead babies does it take to change a lightbulb?

    A: I don't know, there are twenty in my basement, and my basement light still isn't fixed.

    News

    Doctor: "I have good news and I have worse news." Patient: "Well, what's the bad news?" Doctor: "You have one day left to live." Patient: "What news could possibly be worse?" Doctor: "I've been trying to contact you since yesterday!"

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  • Emo kid

    Q. What's the difference between a normal kid and an emo kid? A. One has a functioning neck.

    Friend

    I was on the Oregon trail with my friend's brother, Carl. He got cholera, so we threw him off the wagon. When we came back, he was having a seizure and pooping uncontrollably. It was pretty cholerious.

    Dark Humor

    My son asked me what dark humor was, so I told him, "see that kid in the wheelchair, ask him to stand." He said, "But Dad I'm blind." Exactly.

    Body Part

    I have the heart of my mom, the face of my dad, the eyes of my grandpa, the ears of my grandma, and the hair of my uncle. We don't look anything alike; I just collect body parts.

    Assassination

    I was rooting for Donald Trump to be president.

    We haven't had a presidential assassination in a while.