Morbid jokes
(Bus Driver) What did you learn in school today?
(Kid) We learned that you are a sussy baka.
(Bus Driver) Oh yeah? Well, I quit!
(Kid) Quit what?
(Bus Driver) Living.
(Kid) But it was a joke!
(Bus Driver) Doesn't matter. I will die, but you will still be alive.
(Kid) Ok.
(Bus Driver) That was a joke, too!
What's white and bloody?
Two doves in a trash compactor. Talk about a failed marriage.
One night, I saw a woman sitting behind a dumpster. So I took her home. We talked all the way there. When we got home, I gave her a bath. Later on, things started getting passionate. We started doing intercourse, and some of the noises she made you would have thought she was still alive!
Tombstone engraving: "I TOLD you I was sick!"
Roses are red. Violets are blue. A face like yours belongs in a zoo. Don't worry, I'll be there too. Not in the cage, but laughing at YOU!
If a man kills a kid, it's called Murder.
If a woman kills a kid, it's called Reproductive Rights.
So Stephen Hawking walked into a bar - just kidding.
What was Hitler's lucky number?
Nein.
What do you call a 3-sum with a girl with AIDS?
Nut in the butt.
What's the most unrealistic part of Harry Potter?
A ginger with friends.
What is the world's greatest invention? The ball gag, do you know why? Honestly, officer, I never heard her say no.
My aunt visited and saw all of the stuff around the house my mom had kept over the years and said, "If you have something that no one likes, and it only makes people upset, or it's useless, throw it away."
The next time my aunt visited, she said, "Where is your daughter?"
My mom said, "I took your advice."
I got in big trouble the other day, though it was pretty unfair. Babies kick pregnant women all the time, and yet I got arrested anyways.
Like if you have balls.
What is the difference between a baby and a watermelon?
One is a refreshing summertime snack; the other one is a watermelon.
If a homeschooled kid kills his parents, is it considered a school shooting?
God creating cats.
GOD: Make the most fluffy cute thing you can think of.
ANGEL: Ok.......................................anything else?
GOD: YES, PUT RAZOR BLADES ON ITS FEET!!!!!!!!
A good dog name is Syndrome. That way when it tries attacking, you can yell, "Down, Syndrome!"
what's the difference between a baby and a trampoline? the trampoline doesn't cave in when i jump on it.
What do you call a depressed emo? Dead.