Morbid Jokes

I was hit on by president kennedy, too bad i shot him down

What’s green and orange and sits at the bottom of the swimming pool?

A baby with burst armbands

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

you have a six minute timer to live but when you breath it resets

What are the best shooting ranges in america?

Schools

Sara opens her lunch and reads the letter inside. "I packed your favorite -love mom," Sara reaches in and announces "yay PB and J," Tom goes in his lunch and pulls out a letter " go bye your self something healthy at the cafeteria -Dad," then pulls out 20 bucks and says "nice," they both look at craig as he pulls out a letter. craig reads the letter in his head, it said "WE HAVE YOUR PARENTS, THEY TELL US THEY KEEP THE MONEY UNDER THER BED. BRING $10 000 TO THE RANDAVOU POINT OR THEY WILL BE KILLED. YOU DIDN'T TAKE US SERIOUSLY LAST TIME SO THERE IS MORE PROOF IN YOUR LUNCH." Craig throughs down the letter and pulls a finger out of his lunch. Tom and Sara look shocked, then Craig says "ugh, severed finger, again!"

How many cancer patients does it take to change a lightbulb? 10, 1 to change the lightbulb 9 to talk about how inspired they are?

My wife called me a pedo that's a big word for a 6 year old

Cops go to the hood when the shooting range is closed

A guy goes onto a rooftop bar, and is sitting next to a guy who says he's drinking a magical drink. He asks "What's so magical about it?" the guy drives a car and flies it around the rooftop. the other tries, but falls of and dies.

The bartender shakes his head, and says.

"Y'know, you're a real jerk when you're drunk superman.

Mexican runs into a wall. He loses hope.

racecar backwards is racecar but racecar sideways is how paul walker died

What's the difference between Hitler and Logan Paul? At least Hitler had respect for the Japanese!

Abortion is a really touchy subject for me, on one hand there's dead babies! but on the other hand women get a choice

What’s red and very rare ?

a baby in a blinder

mom said dad had the best pullout game... now im an uncle

My dad went to go get milk, he came back 7 years later and we had to send him back because he got the wrong milk

Secretly, I’m a woman catfishing gay men on Grindr. When a notification from the app went off, my son told me, “I’ve heard that sound, daddy has that game too!”