Morbid jokes
When I was born the doctors said, "it's a boy!" Then when they went to cut the umbilical cord, they cut the wrong thing. Then they said, "Oh, it's a girl."
What's the difference between an Afghan kindergarten and a military target?
The drone guy didn't know either.
What’s the difference between a drug dealer and a prostitute?
A prostitute only has one crack, and has to wash it and sell it again.
Q: Who are the fastest readers? A: Twin Tower victims, they got 80 stories in ten seconds.
Once, there was a couple about to have sex. "I have something to confess," said the shy wife. The husband then said, "Whatever it is, I will still love." The wife then said, "Honey, I'm flat chested." The husband said, "It's okay, I'm a baby down there anyways." He then pulled down his pants and began to have sex.
The next day, the wife said, "I thought you were a baby down there." The husband then said, "I am; 22 inches and 7 pounds."
Kids are so ungrateful sometimes. I bought a wheelchair for my son. Did he say thank you? Nope! That mtf just sat in his wheelchair the whole time crying the whole day. 😐
It says enter a joke, but I can't enter my life.
Little Jimmy has 5 red apples. His dad's car will arrive in 20 minutes. Calculate the mass of the Sun.
How do you win an argument against a emo? kick the chair.
So, I text my girlfriend and told her I wanted to get inside her. Can you believe she replied: "Not again brother, I'm only 8."
What’s a Mexican’s favorite sport?
Cross-country.
A man driving along a country road sees a little girl crying next to a cliff. He gets out and says, "Aw, what's the matter little girl?"
She points off the cliff, and at the bottom is the family car, burning with everyone inside, all mangled and dead.
The man unbuckles his pants and says, "Little girl, today just ain't your day."
Did you know the people in the twin towers were great readers?
Yeah, they went through 80 stories in seconds.
What do you call sex in the World Trade Center?
An inside job.
People always said that if you killed a murderer, there would be the same number of murderers. Why stop at one?
Why can’t dinosaurs clap?
Because they're dead.
Just got an iPhone 12 for my brother, best trade I've ever made.
What do teen mothers and their unborn babies have in common?
They're both thinking "Oh my God, my mom's gonna kill me!"
A feminist walks into a bar. Her friend says, "Oh my god, your shoulders are broad!" Another woman says, "Are you sure it's a woman?"
Whoever kills Hitler goes to heaven. Oh, wait... nevermind...