Morbid Jokes

so two condoms walk by a gay bar, what does one condom say to the other, "hey, wanna get 'shit-faced?'"

I got kicked out of the school library for placing a women’s rights book in the fiction section

So I was being robbed and this guy had the gun to my head to i told him he was holding it backwards.

I pushed a disabled kid in a fire then called him hot wheels.

Why did Mozart kill all his chickens? When he asked who the best composer was they all replied, "Bach, Bach, Bach."

A Man walks into a bar and Orders 3 shots of Whisky, The Bartender asks "What's got you down" The man says "I just found out my Niece is gay." The next day he orders 4 shots of Whisky The Bartender asks "What's got you down now?" The man says "I just found out my son is gay." The next day he orders 6 shots of whisky The Bartender says "Got anybody who likes Women?" The man says "My wife does."

What’s the worst thing to star in?

An amber alert.

whats one thing gay people can't draw? a straight line.

What's the difference between the real Jesus and a picture of him ?

It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.

Q: What does your Mama and a slinky have in common?

A: They aren't much to look at but you can't help cracking a smile when you see it tumbling down the stairs.

I saw a little kid on their bike before. So i ran home to see if it was mine. Mine was still chained up, so we’re good.

Money and my mom are kinda the same thing they come and leave easlily

I am Funny but sad. I submit jokes you'll love. Anyway...

Little Jimmy asked his mom if he could take a bath with her since he was scared if being alone. She said, "Sure, just don't look up." He looked up and said, "Woah, what are those?" She replied, "Those are just headlights." He looked down and said, "What is that?" She said, "That's just a bush." The next day, mommy wasn't home so he asked to take a shower with his papa instead. He said, "Okay, but don't look up." He looked up and said, "Woah, what is that?" His papa replied, "That's just a snake." Later that night, he asked to sleep with his parents. They said, "Okay, just don't look under the covers." After a while, he grew bored and went under the covers. Jimmy screamed, "Mom, turn on the headlights, the snake is in the bush!"

What does Osama bin Laden have in common with Spongebob?

Both can be found at the bottom of the sea, filled full of holes.

Me and my friend went to the park, after a while we grabbed our little princess and said "it's time to go sweetie" but before we could go someone said "stop them they have my daughter!"

What’s red and in a corner ? A baby with a razor blade What’s green and in a corner ? The same baby three weeks later

My teacher told me, "You have no idea how powerful this quote is." I looked at her and told her, "You don't know how powerful the shotgun in my bookbag is."