Morbid Jokes

I am Funny but sad. I submit jokes you'll love. Anyway...

Little Jimmy asked his mom if he could take a bath with her since he was scared if being alone. She said, "Sure, just don't look up." He looked up and said, "Woah, what are those?" She replied, "Those are just headlights." He looked down and said, "What is that?" She said, "That's just a bush." The next day, mommy wasn't home so he asked to take a shower with his papa instead. He said, "Okay, but don't look up." He looked up and said, "Woah, what is that?" His papa replied, "That's just a snake." Later that night, he asked to sleep with his parents. They said, "Okay, just don't look under the covers." After a while, he grew bored and went under the covers. Jimmy screamed, "Mom, turn on the headlights, the snake is in the bush!"

A woman decides to take a well-earned vacation and she asks her brother to watch her cat while she's away.

On the second day, when she calls her brother to see how things are going he tells her bluntly that the cat is dead.

The woman is really upset and goes into hysterics, before saying, "You can't tell a person bad news so bluntly. You should break the news gently. The first day, you should have said that Fluffy was stuck on the roof and couldn't get down. The second day, you could have said that she had fallen, but the vet said she would be okay. Then on the third day you could have said that she died from complications."

The next day, the woman calls her brother again and asks how things are. He says, "Well, Grandma is stuck on the roof and can't get down ..."

so two condoms walk by a gay bar, what does one condom say to the other, "hey, wanna get 'shit-faced?'"

Fortnite is like America... At one time it was good and free. Now it's neither.

A masquito with a Mario hat on flys on you saying it's a me malario

How do you stop a baby from crawling around in a circle on the floor?

You nail its other hand to the floor.

You wanna know what i want for Christmas? My dad to come back with the milk he said he was gonna get.

what do you call a train with buble gum?

a chew chew train

oh man im depressed

What's a lesbians favorite type of food?

Finger-Food

Where do suicide bombers go?...Everywhere.

2 friends are talking and the one says, "I had a good day today, I ran into my ex." The other guy replies, "How is that good?" The Friend says, "I was in my car."

What is a Necrophiliacs favorite band?

Coldplay

What was Hitler's lucky number? Nein

So there was this kid being bullied by four other kids. I decided to step in.

He didn’t stand a chance against the five of us.

I had recently found out that my grandma died. We did an autopsy and the results came back. They were pretty shocking.

We found out that she died............... from an autopsy