Morbid Jokes

I asked my mum why she’s depressed, she said her life has been a wreck? I asked how long has it been, she then asked when I was born

when Ted Bundy found out he was getting the death penalty he was pretty shocked...

So I got asked why I suddenly started wearing a beret and I said, well you never know when you need to pick a lock

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

why is america bad at chess, we already lost two towers

I found out what DNA stands for. It's the National Dyslexic's Association.

Did you hear about the guy who got his left side chopped off?

Well he’s all right now!

A woman visits the doctor as she has some abdominal pains and suspects she may be pregnant. After her examination, the doctor comes out to see her: “Well, I hope you like changing diapers!” She replies: “Oh my god! Am I pregnant, am I pregnant!?” To which he responds: “No, you’ve got bowel cancer.”

Hell in Greek Times was known as cold and misty... so now just look at Seattle.

When an orphan takes a selfie, it's a family photo.

Most states:

"It's ok, it won't be awkward. We're still friends."

Alabama:

"She didn't wanna be my girlfriend anymore. But she said she'll still be my sister."

What is a pirate's favorite letter?

A letter from his family; he hadn't seen them in years.

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

how do you get more presents from santa? you tickle his sack

I got an xbox achievement the other day. It said trash master, and everyone looked at me at the funeral

billie: hi

me: you wanna hear a story?

billie: yes sure

me: once upon a time, i ran over your dog last night.

What do you call a hot tub full of special ed students? Vegetable Soup

Two brothers play on the street, one of them finds a condom on the ground. Not knowing what it is they go to their mum and asks what it is that they found. Mum gets mad and yells to throw that away immediately. Guys go back to the yard surprised why their mum got mad for just latex. One of them says: why did mum got so angry, the other: i have no idea thankfully we did not tell her that we've eaten the yogurt inside.