Morbid Jokes

What does PEMDAS stand for?

Please End My Depression And Suffering

When I'm bored, I go into an elevator with a full duffle bag. Once people come in and the door closes I zip open the bag a little bit and whisper to it "I'll get you some food once we get off"

Me and my friend went to the park, after a while we grabbed our little princess and said "it's time to go sweetie" but before we could go someone said "stop them they have my daughter!"

What’s pink, black and has 17 nipples?

A trash can behind the cancer ward

What is the difference between a washing machine and a child..?

The washing machine doesn't cry when you put a load in it.

I’m not saying I hate you. But if you got hit by a bus I’d be driving that bus.

my grandad was shocked to learn that lightning can strike in the same place twice.

People judge me because im quiet

no one plans a massacre out loud

My friend was a victim of a school shooting once but he couldnt tell if they were in the library because of the suppressor on his ar

I saw a little kid on their bike before. So i ran home to see if it was mine. Mine was still chained up, so we’re good.

I got kicked out of the school library for placing a women’s rights book in the fiction section

What's the difference between the real Jesus and a picture of him ?

It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.

Why are women like hurricanes?

They come in nasty and wet then leave with your house and car.

Q: What does your Mama and a slinky have in common?

A: They aren't much to look at but you can't help cracking a smile when you see it tumbling down the stairs.

What's My Favorite Thing About My Grandpa?

His life insurance...

Kid:what is between moms legs? Dad:paridise. Kid whats between you legs? Dad:the key to paridise. Kid:well uou better change the lock the neighbor has the key to.