
Morbid jokes
What do you call a burning church?
Holy smokes.
My dad is like Hurricane Katrina. I haven’t seen either since 2005.
There's a plane going down over the desert with only 3 parachutes on board. There are four people onboard: the smartest man in the world, the best doctor in the world, an old priest, and a young nerd. The doctor says, "People need me for my medical skills," grabs the first parachute pack, and jumps. The smartest man in the world says, "People need me for my intelligence," grabs a pack, and jumps. The old priest says, "I have lived a long and happy life. You take the last chute." The nerd says, "Don't worry. There are enough chutes for the both of us. The smartest man in the world just grabbed my backpack."
What do 9 out of 10 people enjoy?
Gang rape.
Jonny went to school one day, and later that day his dad got a call saying he needed to pick up his son because he had had sex with a teacher. When Jonny got home, his dad was so happy he went out to the store and bought him a bike. When they bought the bike, Jonny was offered to ride the bike, but he declined it and replied, "My butt still hurts."
When you send nudes to your Roblox gf and your uncle’s phone sounds with a text tone...
"Don’t be dumb, make sure she’s numb."
- Bill Cosby
The colors red, white, and blue are the colors of freedom. Until they are flashing behind you.
Q: How many dead babies does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: I don't know, there are twenty in my basement, and my basement light still isn't fixed.
A man walks into a bar. He takes a seat and asks the barman if he wanted to hear a blonde joke. The barman replies, "Before you tell this joke, I want to tell you something. See the woman over there? She is a black belt in karate, she's blonde. See the bouncer over there? He is also a blonde. See the chick over there with that pool cue? She is also blonde. Also, I have a shotgun behind the bar. I'm blonde. So do you still want to tell your joke?" He replies, "F**k that. I ain't explaining the joke 4 times."
Mom said dad had the best pullout game... now I'm an uncle.
What does a pulse and an orgasm have in common?
I don't care if she has one.
What's the difference between a shooter and a bullied autistic kid? It depends on who's shooting.
What's the only time you can do almost whatever you want?
When you have a gun in your hand.
I don't get why cancer is so hard to beat. I'm already on stage 4.
Babies can spread a nasty smell,
especially when you haven't fed them for a month.
A new game the whole family can play...
Incest.
What do you call 2 homeless people throwing rocks at each other? "Pillow Fight!"
When it's been Halloween for a few months, but there's still a body hanging from your neighbor's tree.
How 9/11 Happened!:
Hey Bush, Truth or dare?