Morbid jokes
What does Osama bin Laden have in common with Spongebob?
Both can be found at the bottom of the sea, filled full of holes.
I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom... Until they are flashing behind you!
What is 6 inches long and makes women scream? Stillbirth...
What did Chris Brown say when he saw Rihanna?
"I'd hit that."
Girl: "How do you feel about abortion?"
Dad: "Ask your sister."
Girl: "I don't have a..."
Did you know my grandpa was part of World War 2? He killed Hitler.
Never buy an epileptic kid light-up Sketchers.
I went trick or treating this year with friends. Good thing I dressed as a zombie...
no one could tell that it was their blood.
What was the last thing to go through the heads of the 9/11 jumpers?
Their ankles.
Grandma: Young people your age are married by now, why aren’t you?
Me: Old people your age are dead right now, why aren’t you?
Iran: We can beat the USA.
Japan is typing...
I still remember my grandpa's last words: "Turn the lawn mower off!"
What do you call the people in the Challenger explosion?
Ashtraynauts.
I got mad at my sister's boyfriend, so I fucked his girl.
What's red and in a corner?
A baby with a razor blade.
What's green and in a corner?
The same baby three weeks later.
My friend was a victim of a school shooting once, but he couldn't tell if they were in the library because of the suppressor on his AR.
Me and my friend went to the park. After a while, we grabbed our little princess and said, "It's time to go, sweetie." But before we could go, someone said, "Stop them, they have my daughter!"
What does PEMDAS stand for?
Please End My Depression And Suffering.
People judge me because I'm quiet.
No one plans a massacre out loud.
A father is listening to his daughter say her prayers before bed. The daughter says, "God bless Mummy and God bless Daddy and God bless Grandma and good bye Grandad." The father says, "Good bye Grandad? Why is that?" The daughter says, "Just because I felt like it." The next day, Grandad drops dead.
The father can't believe the coincidence, but decided not to question it. That night, he listens to the daughter's prayers again. She says, "God bless Mummy and God bless Daddy and goodbye Grandma." The father is shocked again and asks his daughter why, but she says again, "Just because I felt like it." The next day, the Grandma drops dead and now the Father is getting worried but doesn't know what to do, so he tries to forget about it. That night, he listens to his daughter again and she says, "God bless Mummy and goodbye Daddy." The father is now terrified and goes to work the next day sweating, cancels all of his meetings, and hides in his office for the whole day. He doesn't go home and stays there until midnight. He's very surprised. 'I've cheated death!' he thinks to himself, then rushes home. His wife asks, "Where have you been?!" and the husband says, "Oh don't ask me any questions, today's been miserable." The wife replies, "Your days been miserable? Well, listen to my day! Firstly, the milk man drops dead on the porch..."