People judge me because im quiet
no one plans a massacre out loud
My mom always said garlic powder makes everything better so i sprinkled some on my divorce papers and my wifes broken leg.
When I'm bored, I go into an elevator with a full duffle bag. Once people come in and the door closes I zip open the bag a little bit and whisper to it "I'll get you some food once we get off"
What's the difference between Mexicans and stoners? Stoners actually have papers.
What’s the difference between a bus full of children and a fish?
The fish can swim
One mans pet is another mans dinner - McNasty
The cops are still searching for my wife's killer. Luckily I already fled the country.
What do you call the people in the challenger explosion.
Ashtraynauts
I got mad at my sister's boyfriend so I fucked his girl
Dad: "if they jumped off a bridge would you?" Tommy: "yes, cuz there would be a body pile to break my fall!"
Iran: we can beat the USA
Japan is typing...
A mom gave her son "the talk". her son replies "wait so there really isn't candy involved? Guess Grandpa lied.
I went trick or treating this year with friends. Good thing I dressed as a zombie ....... no one could tell that it was their blood
Did you know my grandpa was part of World War 2? He killed Hitler.
my grandad was shocked to learn that lightning can strike in the same place twice.
I decided to visit Saudi Arabia with my girlfriend.
She and I learned they celebrate Pride month by throwing stones.
I’m not saying I hate you. But if you got hit by a bus I’d be driving that bus.
Never buy a epileptic kid light up sketchers
what do you call a train with buble gum?
a chew chew train
oh man im depressed
My friend was a victim of a school shooting once but he couldnt tell if they were in the library because of the suppressor on his ar
