Morbid jokes

Babies can spread a nasty smell,

especially when you haven't fed them for a month.

Would you like to try African food?

They would too.

In life, it’s either yeet or get beat, and I clearly failed yeeting as a child, as my dad beat me.

My favorite quote will always be, "Sketchy candy is better than no candy."

- One of the thousands of missing children.

So I was at home, and I went to take a shower, and I accidentally walked in on my brother having sex with some girl. So I left. A couple minutes later, I needed my headphones to listen to music, so I asked my mom where she was. She told me she was in the shower. Our house only has one bathroom. Sweet home Alabama.

I'm starting to wish my grass was emo.

Why?

So it would cut itself.

How do you get more presents from Santa? You tickle his sack.

I comforted my friend about his wife's death, until I found out who did it.

My brother called me short and ugly, so I called him an ambulance.

Say no to drugs, kids. Suddenly, the poster disappeared. I hallucinated. Must have been the cocaine.

You travel to the past into the era where Julius Caesar is still alive. He thinks you may be from the future to bring him good news. He asks you, "How do I die?"

You reply with: "Surrounded by friends."

Why did Steven Hawking only tell one-liners?

Because he couldn't do standup.

What do you call 2 homeless people throwing rocks at each other? "Pillow Fight!"

A boy walks up to a girl and says, "I would tell you a joke about my dick, but it's too long." Then the girl says, "Yeah, I would tell you a joke about my pussy, but you'll never get it."

When you send nudes to your Roblox gf and your uncle’s phone sounds with a text tone...

Suicidal people are a big contributor to the rope making industry.

What does a pulse and an orgasm have in common?

I don't care if she has one.

Steven Hawking said there is no God,

Then God said there is no Steven Hawking.

I bet my friend $5 that he would die drowning.

A depressing but satisfying victory.

Condoms? HA! Those are for pussies!