Morbid jokes
My mom always said garlic powder makes everything better, so I sprinkled some on my divorce papers and my wife's broken leg.
What does Osama bin Laden have in common with Spongebob?
Both can be found at the bottom of the sea, filled full of holes.
My mom told me drugs are my enemies... but Jesus said to love your enemies.
What is 6 inches long and makes women scream? Stillbirth...
What did Chris Brown say when he saw Rihanna?
"I'd hit that."
Girl: "How do you feel about abortion?"
Dad: "Ask your sister."
Girl: "I don't have a..."
Did you know my grandpa was part of World War 2? He killed Hitler.
Never buy an epileptic kid light-up Sketchers.
What was the last thing to go through the heads of the 9/11 jumpers?
Their ankles.
Grandma: Young people your age are married by now, why aren’t you?
Me: Old people your age are dead right now, why aren’t you?
Iran: We can beat the USA.
Japan is typing...
I still remember my grandpa's last words: "Turn the lawn mower off!"
What do you call the people in the Challenger explosion?
Ashtraynauts.
I got mad at my sister's boyfriend, so I fucked his girl.
What's red and in a corner?
A baby with a razor blade.
What's green and in a corner?
The same baby three weeks later.
My friend was a victim of a school shooting once, but he couldn't tell if they were in the library because of the suppressor on his AR.
Me and my friend went to the park. After a while, we grabbed our little princess and said, "It's time to go, sweetie." But before we could go, someone said, "Stop them, they have my daughter!"
What does PEMDAS stand for?
Please End My Depression And Suffering.
People judge me because I'm quiet.
No one plans a massacre out loud.
My grandpa was amazing. He killed Hitler.