Morbid jokes
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Rabid cow.
Rabid cow who?
Hold on, I need to get my gun....
I'm in school shooting. #USA
What’s the difference between Jesus and a hooker?
The look on their face when you're nailing them.
How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Infinite because feminists can't solve problems.
You should never try Afghan weed because people in Afghanistan get stoned to death.
What's the difference between Paul Walker and a computer?
I give a fuck if my computer crashes.
What game hurts you the more stages you survive?
Cancer.
Dark humor is like a kid with cancer.
It never gets old.
I have two things I wanna say:
1. When people swear, stop taking it so fucking literally. If someone calls you a bitch, they're not calling you a female dog. If they call you a cunt, they're not calling you a woman's private part, they are calling you either an idiot, scaredy cat/baby, or something along those lines, ffs.
2. wtf
If you're a girl, please comment.
Me: I bombed the 2 tests yesterday.
Friend: What were the tests about?
Me: Japan.
If it's on the clock, it's old enough for the cock.
"What happens when an Asian man runs into a brick wall?"
"A broken nose."
What's red, 6 inches long, and makes my girlfriend cry when I feed it to her?
Her miscarriage.
Why did the hedgehog cross the road?
To get to the other side (suicide).
Why did the second hedgehog cross the road?
To see his flatmate.
Why did Sally fall off the swing? Someone chucked a brick at her.
Why did Sally throw a clock out the window? She had brain damage from the brick.
Why can't orphans play baseball? Because they don't know where home is...
A man and a cow are stuck on train tracks, and there is a train in the distance about to hit both of them. A vegan sees this and tries to help. Who does he save, the man or the cow?
Neither. He isn't strong enough to lift either of them.
Why didn't the toilet paper cross the road? It was stuck in a crack.
What do you call a pansexual pedophile? Jesus.