Morbid jokes
My neighbor is like my marriage. They're both in the hole.
I like my girlfriends like my children: dead.
Why is 7 afraid of 6?
Because 7 is a vegetarian and 6 is a cannibal.
The Make-A-Wish Foundation has gone too far. All of the Make-A-Wish kids asked for cancer to be gone, so they just gave the cancer to all of the Make-A-Wish kids.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Rabid cow.
Rabid cow who?
Hold on, I need to get my gun....
I'm in school shooting. #USA
What’s the difference between Jesus and a hooker?
The look on their face when you're nailing them.
How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Infinite because feminists can't solve problems.
You should never try Afghan weed because people in Afghanistan get stoned to death.
What's the difference between Paul Walker and a computer?
I give a fuck if my computer crashes.
How many police officers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, they just beat the room for it being black.
What game hurts you the more stages you survive?
Cancer.
Dark humor is like a kid with cancer.
It never gets old.
If you're a girl, please comment.
Me: I bombed the 2 tests yesterday.
Friend: What were the tests about?
Me: Japan.
If it's on the clock, it's old enough for the cock.
What's red, 6 inches long, and makes my girlfriend cry when I feed it to her?
Her miscarriage.
"What happens when an Asian man runs into a brick wall?"
"A broken nose."
I have two things I wanna say:
1. When people swear, stop taking it so fucking literally. If someone calls you a bitch, they're not calling you a female dog. If they call you a cunt, they're not calling you a woman's private part, they are calling you either an idiot, scaredy cat/baby, or something along those lines, ffs.
2. wtf
Why did the hedgehog cross the road?
To get to the other side (suicide).
Why did the second hedgehog cross the road?
To see his flatmate.