Morbid jokes
I finally got my wife to shut up.
Who knew all I had to do was bury her alive all these years, ha! Try telling me to get my feet off the couch now, Karen!
Girlfriends are just like AK47s; they always go off on you.
An assassin is about to shoot his target, "I'm about to give you the JFK experience."
I hope death is a woman That way she'll never look at me twice
I have WWII in my blood since my great-grandfather killed Hitler.
Someone kills an emotionally weak person by hard words and bullying.
No one will suspect the killer was anyone who took part.
Where do you find a turtle with no legs?
Right where you left it.
How do stars die? Usually a overdose in an airport.
What's better than 10 dead babies nailed to a tree?
One dead baby nailed to ten!
One day, there were three people: a mom and two kids. One of the kids walks up and asks her mom why she was named Rose. Her mom told her that she ate a rose petal when she was born; that is why she was named Rose.
Then the second child walked up and yelled, "Ahhhhhh!" and the mom said, "Shut up, Billy Goat!"
Whenever the hungry cannibal performs amputations, he says,
"Thank you for your donation!"
The undertaker's famous saying is "Rest In Peace" to all of his opponents, but really they don't rest in peace. The only peace they get is from God.
Nobody:
The Vietcong when America lands on their beaches:
tReE pOwErS aCtIvAtE!
A child was walking through the forest when a wolf jumped in front of him. The child saw that the wolf had no leg. He then became a terrorist and caused 9/11.
Did Jesus die a virgin?
Of course not! He got nailed before he died.
Friends are like bananas. If you peel their skin off and eat them, they die.
Why did Muhammad Ali go down? Because he couldn't stand the cancer.
At least Africans don't have to worry about food critics.
Hey, did you hear about the kidnapping?
"No."
Yeah, but then he woke up.
Why did Paul Walker drown?
Because he was too busy carpooling.