Morbid jokes

Morbid jokes

Baby

What does a baby in a blender look like?

I don’t know, I close my eyes when I masturbate.

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  • Abuse

    What’s the difference between an alligator and a child?

    You can’t abuse an alligator.

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  • Clock

    Why did Timmy throw the clock out the window?

    It reminded him of Arnold Clock, the man convicted of knife raping his wife.

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  • Rose

    Roses are red, your mother has said, "Come back again, and you'll be dead!"

    Submarine

    What's the difference between a submarine and Madeline McCann?

    They are both full of seamen and at the bottom of the sea.

    Expense

    I know how to cut down on Medicare expenses.

    Lock Alzheimer's patients in dog cages when they misbehave.

    Friend

    I have a friend who has no arms, her name is Suzy. I always tell her this one knock knock joke, "Knock Knock!" "Who's there?" Not Suzy.

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  • Girlfriend

    It's funny dating someone smarter than you. My girlfriend knows how to push my buttons but never takes into account what a dick I can be if need be. Let me explain. Say, for example, she calls me retarded, I remind her that she's dating me.

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  • School shooting

    Two boys are talking on the bus.

    Boy 1: I feel like I'm forgetting something.

    Boy 2: Hey, did you hear about that school shooting last week?

    Boy 1: Oh, that's right.

    Bad Luck

    Break a wine glass: I give you bad luck for a year.

    Break a mirror: Funny wine glass, I give you bad luck for 7 years.

    Breaking a condom: Haha so funny mirror.

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  • Gun

    I say 123, yeah, the kids bullied me, but they really don't know that my dad has a gun, yeah.

    Hockey

    Why does Adam go hockey, you might ask?

    In my opinion, he shouldn't go because he is bad, but he needs the armor to protect himself from his own step-dad.

    Terrorist

    A child was walking through the forest when a wolf jumped in front of him. The child saw that the wolf had no leg. He then became a terrorist and caused 9/11.

    Baby

    What do you get when you put a baby in a box of razor blades and throw it down the stairs?

    An erection!

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  • Sex

    I was having sex with my girl, and she said she likes it rough, so I socked her in the face.

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  • Mom

    Santa said my mom was good... But she is on the naughty list.