Morbid Jokes

What does a baby in a blender look like?

I don’t know, I close my eyes when I masturbate.

What’s the difference between an alligator and a child?

You can’t abuse an alligator.

Why did Timmy throw the clock out the window?

It reminded him of Arnold Clock, the man convicted of knife raping his wife.

Roses are red, your mother has said, "Come back again, and you'll be dead!"

What's the difference between a submarine and Madeline McCann?

They are both full of seamen and at the bottom of the sea.

I have a friend who has no arms, her name is Suzy. I always tell her this one knock knock joke, "Knock Knock!" "Who's there?" Not Suzy.

It's funny dating someone smarter than you. My girlfriend knows how to push my buttons but never takes into account what a dick I can be if need be. Let me explain. Say, for example, she calls me retarded, I remind her that she's dating me.

Why can't you hear a Pterodactyl go to the bathroom?

Because it's extinct.

Two boys are talking on the bus.

Boy 1: I feel like I'm forgetting something.

Boy 2: Hey, did you hear about that school shooting last week?

Boy 1: Oh, that's right.

Why can't dinosaurs clap?

'Cause they are dead.

What's a rapist's favorite scale?

C Minor.

Break a wine glass: I give you bad luck for a year.

Break a mirror: Funny wine glass, I give you bad luck for 7 years.

Breaking a condom: Haha so funny mirror.

I say 123, yeah, the kids bullied me, but they really don't know that my dad has a gun, yeah.

Why does Adam go hockey, you might ask?

In my opinion, he shouldn't go because he is bad, but he needs the armor to protect himself from his own step-dad.

A child was walking through the forest when a wolf jumped in front of him. The child saw that the wolf had no leg. He then became a terrorist and caused 9/11.