Morbid jokes

What do you call it when a girl on her period goes swimming?

A blood bath.

your mom

You'll end up DEAD if you don't stop COFFIN!!!

What do women have on an empty stomach? A miscarriage.

You realize you're in a paradox until you die. You'll see yourself die by murder, suicide, old age, etc.

Then you realize you're dreaming, but you realize that if you die in a dream, you die IRL.

My best friend looked at my arms and said, "Stop, sh*t, it's bad," then turns right around and says, "You look like a tiger."

So from here on out I am now Finn, the self-harming tiger.

My friend had this annoying little kid that always used to yell and scream when he didn't get what he wanted. I told my friend there's a new attraction a few states away he could take him to.

Confused, my friend asked me what it was. I told him, "The Sandy Hook Experience: Where you come in and leave with a 'hole' lot of fun."

All zodiac signs have a hair style, but cancer is just a one-way thing.

I went on a walk last night with a really hot girl. Then she noticed me, and we went for a run.

If you’re forced to have it as a child, you won’t like it as an adult.

I guess Hitler was forced to have vegetables when he was younger.

Better to cum in the sink... than to sink in the cum.

Who reads the fastest?

The pilot of the plane who hit one of the twin towers. He took out 83 stories in one go.

What does a rock and a girl have in common?

The flat ones get skipped.

"Abortion: Another word for dying at spawn."

Why do orphans go to church?

So they have someone to call father.

I gave up hope and I liked it!!

I take meds to feel fantastic! (I kissed a boy{but fed up lyrics})

Have you heard about the new Russian STD? Rottsmikokov.

Part 1: Two men were walking down the way when the third one came.

Part 2: Two men were walking down the way when the third one came.

Part 3: Two men were walking down the way when the third one came.

Part 4: Guess what... two men were walking down the way when the second one fell in the sewers and died... The first one was lonely.

What is Mozart doing right now? -- Decomposing.

I blend children to make a good living.