Morbid jokes
One day my friend said: "I want tacos from Katie's, you?" and I said no thanks and she left. I never saw her again. Today I remember that I saw her name on TV as one of the victims of suicide, then I remember her and my motto: "If I'm dying, you're dying with me, you got no choice." I NEVER ate tacos from Katie's again.
What’s the difference between a bird and a human?
“We don’t eat with our peckers.”
Why does the adopted kid like playing GTA? Because he wants to be wanted.
What do starving kids call Venetian blinds?
Bunk beds.
Q. What did the math book say to the other math book?
A. I have too many problems.
What do you call a guy with no arms and legs, at your front door?
Matt.
A girl called me ugly.
So I drove over her with a car and called her flat.
Why is the UK bad at chess? Because they already lost their queen.
Q: What do you say to a kid who threatens to beat you up?
A: We can always rearrange your liver 😏
My son always said he wanted to skydive, so we went on a plane, and mid-flight, we had to jump out. The only issue is we were on a commercial flight to Arizona.
How can you tell if your sister is on her period?
Your father's dick tastes funny.
Jesus created the T-pose first.
"What happens when an Asian man runs into a brick wall?"
"A broken nose."
The Make-A-Wish Foundation has gone too far. All of the Make-A-Wish kids asked for cancer to be gone, so they just gave the cancer to all of the Make-A-Wish kids.
You looking for jokes? I have one: your life.
What is a female gamer's favorite part of the controller?
The joystick.
"Better lock 'em doors and turn the lights down low... Better turn 'em on, just stubbed my f***ing toe!"
No, you!
Dark jokes are just like water.
Not everybody gets it.
Jesus and Moses come back to Earth.
Moses says, "Let's go down to the ocean and see if I can do what I used to when I was here before." So Moses raises his arms and motions to part the waters. Sure enough, he is able to part the waters just as before.
Jesus quips, "Close the water, I'm going to try to do what I used to when I was here last." So Jesus walks out on top of the water, then sinks to the bottom. He crawls out pulling seaweed off of him. Moses says, "Hey, it's not your fault, you didn't have those holes in your feet before."