Morbid jokes
Where are you not allowed to go trick or treating as a ghost?
Harlem, New York.
If you’re forced to have it as a child, you won’t like it as an adult.
I guess Hitler was forced to have vegetables when he was younger.
What's red and white and lives in a blender?
A baby.
What part of a vegetable can't you eat?
The wheelchair.
What's Adam's biggest fear?
Andy with a belt.
What do you get when you cross a bunny and a Rottweiler? Just the Rottweiler.
You're the bunny, and I'm the Rottweiler.
What's the difference between Andy and acne?
Acne waited until Adam could talk before coming on his face.
What do you do when your baby starts screaming?
Use more lube.
I'm late for my interview! Do you know where the nearest sex offender registry is?
9/11 is the biggest game of Jenga... ;)
At least Africans don't have to worry about food critics.
My neighbor is like my marriage. They're both in the hole.
I like my girlfriends like my children: dead.
The Make-A-Wish Foundation has gone too far. All of the Make-A-Wish kids asked for cancer to be gone, so they just gave the cancer to all of the Make-A-Wish kids.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Rabid cow.
Rabid cow who?
Hold on, I need to get my gun....
I'm in school shooting. #USA
Pass around the roses, their casket full of hoses, crash it, watch it, the water! OH SHIT IT'S GONNA BLOW!
What’s the difference between Jesus and a hooker?
The look on their face when you're nailing them.
Why did the hedgehog cross the road?
To get to the other side (suicide).
Why did the second hedgehog cross the road?
To see his flatmate.
How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Infinite because feminists can't solve problems.