Morbid jokes
This Native American won't stop talking bad about me, so I said, "Please stop acting like you first discovered this land belonged to your ancestors!"
I like my women like I like my coffee.
Without other people's dicks in it.
What's green and smells like ham?
Kermit the frog's fingers.
I am like currency; people always trade me out for someone better.
My friend said I was gay, but then I realised he was talking to the mirror.
What’d the fox say when he was asked to describe his wife? “Hottie hottie hottie hoe!”
What happens when you combine candy and dick? That creepy guy down the street!
How do you make a baby cry? You run over it with a lawn mower.
You know why orphans like boomerangs?
Because they come back, unlike their parents.
My diet consists of Blood Pudding, I love it and have it for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, my secret ingredient though?
It consists of the blood and insides of my victims, it’s a bit chunky sometimes, some bits chewy, some bits hard, but it’s a hearty meal.
Why can’t dinosaurs clap?
Because they're dead.
Riddler: Riddle me this, are you scared of the big black?
Person: Big black what?
Riddler: ...
Person: I'm scared of what you mean because you won't tell me what you mean.
Why did the pedo stop to help the little kids cross the street?
To get them in his van.
A father is talking to his three kids.
Kid 1: Why is my name Rose?
Dad: Because when you were a kid, a rose fell on your head.
Kid 2: Why is my name Lily?
Dad: Because a lily fell on your head when you were a baby.
Kid 3: Auughhghhhggghhh!
Dad: Oh hey, Brick.
Hillary Clinton
Q: What's 8 inches and makes my wife scream when I put it in her mouth?
A: Her dead fetus.
Wanna hear a clean one?
Old man takes a bath with bubbles.
Wanna hear a dirty one?
Bubbles is the 14 year old next door.
My father left me at a young age.
He was only five.
You know, the strangest things happen. My mom said, "Step on a crack, you break your mama's back, but if you step on a line, you break your father's spine." I stepped on the line. It didn't break his spine. Mom, who is my father?
Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon? She will let it go.