Morbid jokes
Like if you like school (I mean if you don't)!
I put on my hazmat suit, and grabbed my equipment, and said, "My time to shine!"
What did the mute man tell the blind man?
Nothing.
I went home to my girlfriend with milk! She said, "Oh thank you honey!"
Then I got a call from a girl named Melissa. She called and said, "Steven, where the hell have you been? It's been two weeks and you still haven't come back yet?"
What did Nicki Minaj say when she sat next to a bomb?
"Bang bang right through the roof. Bang bang all over you."
Jake had sex and broke her hymen, guess he’s Jake the ripper.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
A murderer.
A murderer who--
Is cut off by being murdered.
He is dead.
So, my kid took my car. He crashed it off a bridge. I miss it, but it's going to have my car.
A chef named his chicken Richard and named a rooster Ballz. A guy walks up and asks the chef what he's cooking. He replies, "My dick and balls."
I'll always remember my Dad's last words before he died on 9/11...
Allahu Akbar!
What goes pop pop sizzle sizzle?
Two dead babies in an acid bath.
Why did the frog cross the road?
To show his gang that he had guts.
I tried making an orphan baseball team. It sucked because they couldn’t find home plate.
What does food and dark humour have in common?
Not everybody gets it.
Why don't orphans play baseball?
Because they don't know where home is.
What happens when you put a baby in a blender?
The baby is a cherry smoothie.
I like my women like I like my chocolate.
Edible.
Santa said my mom was good... But she is on the naughty list.
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?
One's plastic and dangerous to play with; the other is to carry groceries.