Morbid jokes
A man books a session to see a therapist, as he claims he has a strong fear of the 15th, 9th and 3rd letters of the alphabet. So once the therapist, let's call him Frank, has jotted that down on his notebook, he says, "Oh, I see."
I was having sex with my girl, and she said she likes it rough, so I socked her in the face.
What's the difference between your mom and your dad? One leaves your life to go get milk, and the other cleans up after you, feeds you, and does your laundry.
Q: What’s the difference between me and you?
A: I’m not wasting my time reading this joke.
Guy 1: How far are we going?
Guy 2: About as far as somebody's miscarriage.
What is Bill Cosby's favorite poem? Roses are red, my cum is blue, I'll wait till your asleep to rape you.
Don't you hate it when you do the dishes, but then you realize it wasn't the dishes?
So my teacher's daughter committed suicide.
One day I'ma go up to her and say, "What's wrong, did Logan Paul leave your daughter hanging?"
A little girl walks into the bathroom and sees her mom naked taking a shower and asks, "Mommy, mommy, when am I gonna get breasts?" Mom says, "Oh, when you're 12 or 13." The little girl looks down and see’s her pubes and asks, "Mommy, mommy, when am I gonna get hair down there?" Mom says, "Oh, about the same time you get breasts."
Then the little girl walks in and sees her dad sitting on the bed with a hard on and asks, "Daddy, daddy, when am I gonna get one of those?" Dad says, "Soon as your mom leaves for work."
School and Boot Camp are a lot alike. The only difference is that in school, you don't have to get deployed to get shot at.
Welcome to Antonio’s pizza and abortion, where yesterday’s loss is today’s sauce!
"Ching chong, drop the bomb!"
I like my bread how I like my wife: cold and stiff.
What does FNAF stand for? Five Nasty Ass Fools.
Q: What do you say to a kid who threatens to beat you up?
A: We can always rearrange your liver 😏
How do you know you're following a DeLorean? The white line disappears.
What do you give a armless kid for Christmas?
Nothing because they can't open the gift.
I have a pussy. It's very hairy. It has a long thing sticking out of it. It's also very hair. My hairy pussy meows and purrs.
Why can't dinosaurs clap? Because they're dead.
A chopper full of white people is also called a helicopter.
A chopper full of black people is called a hellacopter.