Morbid jokes

Morbid Jokes

Wife is texting husband:

"Honey, if I give you 300 dollars, will you stop being blind?"

Husband: "seilghsielguG"

Wife: "Seriously, David?"

Husband: "fuweyadb"

When you have to get your prostate checked and you can feel the cold rubber of the glove, but you realize both the doctor's hands are on your shoulders.

A man drinks beer and jumps off a tower, and he's okay. The other guy says, "Whoa, how'd you do that?"

He does it again, so the guy gets a beer, the same beer, and jumps off. He died.

The bartender looks at the original man who jumped off and says, "Superman, you're a real butthole whenever you're drunk."

You know, the strangest things happen. My mom said, "Step on a crack, you break your mama's back, but if you step on a line, you break your father's spine." I stepped on the line. It didn't break his spine. Mom, who is my father?

What's the difference between an ISIS militant base and a Pakistani children's school?

I don't know, I just fly the drone.

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I was eating this girl out the other night, and I tasted horse semen, so I said to her, "Oh, that's how you died, grandma!"

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