Morbid jokes
"I created the Human Torch."
Why were the people during 9/11 mad because they ordered pepperoni sandwiches, but they got two planes?
Sally has no arms. What did she get for Christmas? I don't know, she hasn't opened it yet.
Where did Amy go after the explosion?
Everywhere.
Feminism.
Nobody:
The Vietcong when America lands on their beaches:
tReE pOwErS aCtIvAtE!
What is Juan the junkmail dispenser's nickname? Spic and spam.
I knew this one guy who liked to swim with the fishes, then the mob got a hold of 'em...
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Dad!
Dad who?
*Silence*
So I left my mom with my baby, and I was terrified when I came back; the wheelchair was in the water.
Are you a mirror, because I see myself in you?
Wife is texting husband:
"Honey, if I give you 300 dollars, will you stop being blind?"
Husband: "seilghsielguG"
Wife: "Seriously, David?"
Husband: "fuweyadb"
How did a man kill his car? He throttled it.
So, I am an emo dude, so I sit in the back of the class, and I talk to no one.
But one day this dude came up to me and tried to talk to me, so I just ignored him. Then he got really pissed off and said, "I'm gonna kill you." I was like, "You're gonna kill me just because I ignored you? Is your ego that big, wow?" He left. Then the next day he brought his goons with him and said, "Now you're dead." I ignored him again, and he said, "You will pay for this."
So the following day after school I was walking down the street back to my house. Then he and his goons tried to attack me, but then they died, so I kept on walking. I had some rope traps set.
This was the best day of my life.
This is why you never mess with emos. We have ropes everywhere.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
It doesn't matter, he's dead.
What goes up must come down, apart from Mr. Vyse.
Why can you punch an orphan and get away with it?
Because what is he gonna do, tell his parents?
Why did the kid drop his ice cream cone?
He got ran over by a bus.
When you have to get your prostate checked and you can feel the cold rubber of the glove, but you realize both the doctor's hands are on your shoulders.
Two of my grandpas died in WW2.
Their tower fell over.