Morbid jokes
Why can't America play chess?
They're missing two towers.
Did you hear about the guy who got his entire left side cut off? Well, he's dead.
What did grandpa say before he died in the hospital bed?
"Boy, could you put my phone on charging?"
If I was in a room with Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, Hitler, and my greatest enemy, I would pour out the bullets and beat my enemy with the gun.
Two of my grandpas died in WW2.
Their tower fell over.
What's worse than a baby in a trash can?
A baby in 10 trash cans.
"I created the Human Torch."
Where did Amy go after the explosion?
Everywhere.
Sally has no arms. What did she get for Christmas? I don't know, she hasn't opened it yet.
Why were the people during 9/11 mad because they ordered pepperoni sandwiches, but they got two planes?
Feminism.
Nobody:
The Vietcong when America lands on their beaches:
tReE pOwErS aCtIvAtE!
What is Juan the junkmail dispenser's nickname? Spic and spam.
So I left my mom with my baby, and I was terrified when I came back; the wheelchair was in the water.
Are you a mirror, because I see myself in you?
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Dad!
Dad who?
*Silence*
I knew this one guy who liked to swim with the fishes, then the mob got a hold of 'em...
Wife is texting husband:
"Honey, if I give you 300 dollars, will you stop being blind?"
Husband: "seilghsielguG"
Wife: "Seriously, David?"
Husband: "fuweyadb"
How did a man kill his car? He throttled it.
So, I am an emo dude, so I sit in the back of the class, and I talk to no one.
But one day this dude came up to me and tried to talk to me, so I just ignored him. Then he got really pissed off and said, "I'm gonna kill you." I was like, "You're gonna kill me just because I ignored you? Is your ego that big, wow?" He left. Then the next day he brought his goons with him and said, "Now you're dead." I ignored him again, and he said, "You will pay for this."
So the following day after school I was walking down the street back to my house. Then he and his goons tried to attack me, but then they died, so I kept on walking. I had some rope traps set.
This was the best day of my life.
This is why you never mess with emos. We have ropes everywhere.