Morbid jokes
What kind of file turns a 1.5 cm hole into a 4.5 cm hole?
A pedophile.
"Lizzie Borden took an axe. And gave her mother forty whacks. When she saw what she had done, She gave her father forty-one."
When Chuck Norris wants to burn calories, he throws fat children into the fire.
What do you call a guy with no arms and legs, at your front door?
Matt.
What is similar about a dog and a woman? You can ask them to come.
Q: What's a pedophile's favorite type of candy?
A: Loli-pops.
What is the difference when I have my dick in your mouth or when you have yours in mine?
Oh, I forgot, you don't got one, bitches, suck my dick.
"Yes, officer! It was a requirement to run over that child. It matched perfectly with the beat drop!"
This comment section is so dark, it could be Lil Huddy.
I know how to cut down on Medicare expenses.
Lock Alzheimer's patients in dog cages when they misbehave.
Did you hear about the guy who died by lethal injection and writhed on the stretcher for 20 minutes?
I guess it really IS all in the execution.
"It never gets old."
"Just like a sick kid!"
Two guys are captured by native Chinese. They give them two choices: 1. Death. 2. 他妈的
The first guy: What's 他妈的?
The Chinese: Fucking.
The first guy chooses death.
Second guy to himself: Well, I'll let these sick fucks fuck me. At least I'll be alive...
The Chinese: Come on, we don't have all day.
Second guy: I choose 他妈的.
The Chinese: Ok, 他妈的 to the death!
I saw a bus the other day with some boy scouts at the back. One of them was having fun getting his knot-tying badge.
"Peppa's ribs."
Why are there 25 letters in the alphabet? Because the D is in U.
Alfred the Great was arguably the greatest king in England’s history.
The worst? Richard the Goat Fucker.
What does the Bible stand for?
Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth.
Do emo kids get jealous of their phone when it dies?
In the hospital, they need to keep the disabled patients' rooms cooler than the other patients' rooms.
Why?
They need to keep the vegetables cool and crisp.