Morbid jokes
What is a female gamer's favorite part of the controller?
The joystick.
Stephen Hawking lost connection to the WiFi.
What's the difference between an American police man and a Christian?
At least a Christian kneels in church.
Why couldn't Sally get back up? Because she has no friends.
So, there was a male whale and a female whale swimming through the ocean. One day the male whale sees a ship and says, "That's the ship that killed my parents!" So they go to the ship and blow the ship over and throw the men overboard into the sea.
The male whale sees the man who killed his parents and he was still alive, so he opened his mouth and went for the man, but out of nowhere the female whale yells, "Hey!! I was in it for the blowjob, but I'm not gonna eat seamen!"
What’s red, blonde, and wet?
Saskia in grain.
I don't see why Africans complain about not having water. They have free chocolate milk.
Q. What's the difference between a baby and a bale of straw?
A. I got arrested last time I speared a baby with a pitchfork.
I tell short people to reach for the stars.
They are always a bit short of reach.
Why can’t dinosaurs clap?
Because they're dead.
What does Sonic say when he doesn't want to get caught fucking in public?
Gotta Go Fast!
"That's not my name, but okay, that's cool. My name is Coco, but okay, and I already knew Jayden was a boy who is bi."
A chopper full of white people is also called a helicopter.
A chopper full of black people is called a hellacopter.
I have a huge thought: if Satan punishes people who are bad, doesn't that make him good?
What's the difference between a cat and a human? About 500 bullets.
Daddy, I really miss you. Mummy changed my name to Tickle Timpson. Anyway, daddy I forgive you for abusing me.
Man: "I know how to please a woman." Woman: "Then please leave me alone."
Man: "I want to give myself to you." Woman: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."
Man: "Your hair color is fabulous." Woman: "Thank you. It's on aisle three at the corner drug store."
Man: "You look like a dream." Woman: "Go back to sleep."
Man: "I can tell that you want me." Woman: "Yes, I want you to leave."
Man: "Hey, baby, what's your sign?" Woman: "Do not enter. -OR- Stop."
Man: "Your body is like a temple." Woman: "Sorry, there are no services today."
Man: "Is this seat empty?" Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."
Man: "What's it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar?" Woman: "I hate you."
Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before?" Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."
If you're a cat person, never let hungry Chinese into your house. They might just have a snack.
You know those paper families you cut out?
Well, I put one of those in an orphanage.
My grandfather says I’m too reliant on technology. I call him a hypocrite and unplug his life support. 😄😆🔥👍