Morbid jokes
*Knock Knock* Who's there? Social Services...
Junkyard dogs may be mean, but the meanest dogs are the ones guarding concentration camps.
Do nothing about people falling down the stairs, it will keep happening.
Put razor blades on the stairs, it will be their last time falling down the stairs.
One day I was walking along the street and I found some caution tape... Just sitting there torn up... Beat up, and you could barely unravel it anymore because I would just burst into shreds... It kinda reminded me of what happened to my sister's killer... They still haven’t found him yet... I’m really good at hide and seek!
I like my bread how I like my wife: cold and stiff.
Joaquin Phoenix as The Joker is like Heath Ledger if he overdosed on prescription drugs... Oh, wait. He already did.
I give props to pedophiles.
They always go slow in the school zones.
I've never seen my dad since September 11. I wonder where he is...
If you shit in a church, is it a holy shit?
Riddle me this. Riddle me that.
Why did my parents never come back?
Cut.
Yo mama so fat, she was pulled over... FOR HAVING 12 POUNDS OF CRACK ON HER!
Mom! I think that dad is sleeping.
Mom: No, honey, I killed him.
What’s the difference between Isaac Newton and my Dad?
Isaac Newton didn’t beat me half to death with a pipe wrench.
My doctor called me a "psychopath." How dare he?!? He'll pay for this!
My infant drew on the walls today, but I don’t know how to punish them. So I think I’ll sleep on it.
A father of five puts on a gas mask and a hazard suit and walks outside, but before he could make it, his son came and asked, "Dad, what are you wearing?"
The father answered with, "A costume for Halloween."
The child asked, "Can I join?" He said no, for he said it's their last Halloween. After that, I saw green smoke all over the same house they lived in.
You know the song "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus"? Apparently, Santa's the mailman.
How does the dog dance?
He doesn't... he's dead.
How do you make a baby cry?
You run over it with a lawn mower.