You know the song "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus"? Apparently, Santa's the mailman.
Morbid Jokes
Why can't you fool an aborted fetus?
Because it wasn't born yesterday.
Why can't orphans see all these jokes on this website that we're posting?
'Cause they don't know where the home page is.
I’ve been told I’ve got a perfect cock. She sure was hard on me when I cut it off, though.
Good afternoon. My name is Russell, and I am a wilderness explorer of Tribe 54, Sweat Lodge 12. Are you in need of any assistance today, sir?
There's a new cooking programme on BBC1. The contestants are victims of domestic violence. It's called "Can't Cook... Right Hook."
Why did the Nurse bring a red pen to work? To draw Blood.
Why did the M&M go to school? To be a smartie.
Why did the monkey bring a ladder to school? To be in highschool.
My grandfather says I’m too reliant on technology. I call him a hypocrite and unplug his life support. 😄😆🔥👍
Have you ever tried anal bleaching?
It really helps assholes lighten up.
My life, ha ha funny!
You know, life as a pufferfish is tough. They get startled, then they get hard.
A father is talking to his three kids.
Kid 1: Why is my name Rose?
Dad: Because when you were a kid, a rose fell on your head.
Kid 2: Why is my name Lily?
Dad: Because a lily fell on your head when you were a baby.
Kid 3: Auughhghhhggghhh!
Dad: Oh hey, Brick.
What’s the difference between grandma getting ran over by a reindeer, and a poor kid’s parents getting ran over by military tractors?
When grandma got ran over by a reindeer, the kids actually gave a sh*t.
Roses are red, My heart, my heart is dead. I have a gun straight to my head.
What’s the hardest part about f...ing toddlers?
My boner.
I named my dog Chicken.
I love eating chicken.
How did they figure out what kind of shampoo Paul Walker used? They found his “head and shoulders” in the dash.
Why can't you trust the atom? 'Cause they make up everything.
What do you call a green boner? The Grinch.
What do Jim Kelly and Dick Cheney have in common?
They both make terrible hunters.
