BLM
What's the best part of working at an abortion clinic?
Free dog food.
How many dead kittens does it take to clog a pool filter? 7 when i tried
You want to know what the ugly truth looks like?
Go look in the mirror.
Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed She was looking kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb In the shape of an "L" on her forehead
Well, the years start coming and they don't stop coming Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running Didn't make sense not to live for fun Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb
So much to do, so much to see So what's wrong with taking the back streets? You'll never know if you don't go You'll never shine if you don't glow
[Chorus:] Hey, now, you're an All Star, get your game on, go play Hey, now, you're a Rock Star, get the show on, get paid And all that glitters is gold Only shooting stars break the mold
It's a cool place and they say it gets colder You're bundled up now wait 'til you get older But the meteor men beg to differ Judging by the hole in the satellite picture
The ice we skate is getting pretty thin The water's getting warm so you might as well swim My world's on fire. How about yours? That's the way I like it and I'll never get bored.
[Chorus 2x]
Somebody once asked could I spare some change for gas I need to get myself away from this place I said yep, what a concept I could use a little fuel myself And we could all use a little change
Well, the years start coming and they don't stop coming Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running Didn't make sense not to live for fun Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb
So much to do, so much to see So what's wrong with taking the back streets? You'll never know if you don't go You'll never shine if you don't glow.
[Chorus]
And all that glitters is gold Only shooting stars break the mold
What's the difference between saying bloody in America and in the U.K?
In the U.K, it's a swear word
In America, it's a family reunion
Jesus and Moses come back to earth. Moses says, let's go down to the ocean and see if I can do what I used to when I was here before. So Moses raises his arms and motions to part the waters. Sure enough, he is able to part the waters just as before. Jesus quips, close the water, I'm going to try to do what I used to when I was here last. So Jesus walks out on top of the water, then sinks to the bottom. He crawls out pulling seaweed off of him, Moses says, hey it's not your fault, you didn't have those holes in your feet before.
How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Infinite because Feminists can't solve problems.
I was walking by the gun shop earlier and saw everything was 40% off, I didn't know back to school sales were already starting
Roses are red violets are blue I'm stroking my dick and thinking of you
When I was a kid I used to read a lot. I mainly grew up reading stories by Shakespeare, especially the story Romeo & Juliet. That one in particular taught me a valuable life lesson. It taught me to not be surprised when my girlfriend killed herself.
What does Earl Bradley and an Xbox have in common? They both get turned on by children.
What do you call a bowling ball that falls from the sky and knocks down all the bowling pins? An Airstrike
I have a thousand-piece puzzle of the Japanese map, it took me ages to finish it. But after the earthquake, I just threw all the pieces on the ground and it's done.
Jim: My grandpa fought in the army during world war two. He was an officer. Me: Cool, what rank of officer? Jim: SS. Me: ...
What's the worst thing you can say to a widow?
"I'm sorry, I just had to."
How do you get 100 babies in the back of a pick up truck? Blender How do you get them back out? Straw
I hope death is a woman That way she'll never look at me twice
My mother really hates my dad for some reason. Maybe it was because he cheated on her, or maybe because it was her mom. Either way it really ruined her birthday.
“Have you ever tried Ethiopian food?” “No” “Neither have they”