Morbid jokes
What is Juice WRLD's favorite restaurant?
Little Seizures.
Why do emo people want to be called scene now? The only thing I've seen from them is their suicide rate climbing.
What do birds and children have in common?
If you shoot them, they die.
Man: How tall is a penguin?
Bartender: About three foot, why?
Man: Oh shit, the Bible-bashing nuns! I fucking hit one!
Poor car.
"Namaste, 6 feet away, or I'll blow you away with this AK!"
What type of pizza did the 9/11 victims order? Two planes.
The kid with a gun walked into my classroom and fucking shot the teacher.
He pointed the gun at me and asked, "What's 2+2?" I answer him and he writes the answer down on his test. He did this with every kid. He got a 100%, expelled, and a lifetime in prison. Hey, at least he gets free food.
What's the difference between a mole and a priest?
One will till your 13 to put hairs on your face.
What's the best thing about f*cking twenty-eight-year-olds?
There's twenty of them.
"How was your day?"
"It was great."
"What was so great about it?"
"I saw a puppy."
"Awww."
"And I ran over it :)"
Imagine orphans watching Spiderman: No Way Home.
What’s an emo's favorite singer?
Slash.
Went swimming today and peed in the deep end. The lifeguard saw me and blew his whistle so loud I almost fell in.
People always tell me to say no to drugs, but if I'm talking to drugs, I probably said yes.
Johnny Johnny?
Yes pa pa.
Eating sugar?
Yes pa pa, I am eating sugar because it is the only thing I can reach and you have refused to feed me for the past 3 days. You smoke 2 packs of cigs a day and you're mad at me for eating a little sugar. Smoking? Telling lies? Yes pa pa, you do all of those things because you're a chronic addict.
Why did Susie fall off the swing? Because she didn’t have any arms.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Not Susie.
A girl in my class started barking, and I yelled out, "Furry!" Everyone started laughing at her, and I felt bad. After school, I asked to drive her home, and one the way there I apologized and then told her to count down from 10 - 1. Before she said one, I yelled, "THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!" then I jumped out the car.
What's pink and fluffy? Pink fluff.
What's pink and rusty? Madeline McCann's bike.
What’s the difference between women and condoms?
There isn’t a difference; they’re both throw aways.
I'll never forget my mother's last words: "What are you doing with that sledgehammer?"