Morbid jokes
If you're going shopping at school, what color would I like to smell: True or False?
Today was no fun. A rhino escaped from the zoo and ate two parents, and I lost my job as zookeeper.
Why did Mom cross the road?
To kill you!
The patient said, "When will this be over?"
The doctor said, "After you die."
The patient says, "Was that a morbid joke?"
The doctor says, "Well, um, actually, you'll die because we broke the needles and the cure."
The patient says, "Well, it's a bright day, maybe if you weren't clumsy!"
Me: Hi, my name is...
Bro: Hey guys! So who are you?
Me: Hey, stop dude!
Bro: How is it going, bro--
Me: SHUT UP!
Bro: Is that a gun?
Me: *Pointing at bro*
Bro: Dude, I'm...
Me: *BANG* *BANG*
Me: Finally, it's over.
What can change color and get beat up?
You.
Me: 911, I just killed someone.
Cops: Cool, we will not come.
Me: Why?
Cops: Don't admit a crime.
Phones: *Bang Bang*
Me: Well, that was 2 crimes done.
I tell a man, "Get me a Glock 19." He comes back with a glove. I was about to shout at him, but then I saw a pistol in his pocket, so I left and thanked him.
Better to cum in the sink... than to sink in the cum.
what do you call a terrorist attack in india?
a wednesday.
What did they do with Michael Jackson when he died?
They melted him down and turned him into Lego, so kids could play with him for once.
I found out what DNA stands for. It's the National Dyslexic's Association.
Elsa got a boyfriend, and the boyfriend wanted to try anal.
She wasn't too keen, but she just lay back and shouted "INTO THE UNKNOWN!"
Santa Claus gave a child a bike and a football. The child wasn’t happy. Why?
He had no legs.
What to say to a single guy who's insulting you: "Shut up, you horny virgin!"
Why did the condom cross the road?
Because he was pissed off.
My grandpa's last words were, "Why is there a body in my kitchen?"
No witnesses.
My favorite website.
pornhub.com
Why is a pro fighter like a fisher?
They both can throw a hook.