Morbid jokes
Me: 911, I just killed someone.
Cops: Cool, we will not come.
Me: Why?
Cops: Don't admit a crime.
Phones: *Bang Bang*
Me: Well, that was 2 crimes done.
I tell a man, "Get me a Glock 19." He comes back with a glove. I was about to shout at him, but then I saw a pistol in his pocket, so I left and thanked him.
Better to cum in the sink... than to sink in the cum.
what do you call a terrorist attack in india?
a wednesday.
What did they do with Michael Jackson when he died?
They melted him down and turned him into Lego, so kids could play with him for once.
I found out what DNA stands for. It's the National Dyslexic's Association.
Elsa got a boyfriend, and the boyfriend wanted to try anal.
She wasn't too keen, but she just lay back and shouted "INTO THE UNKNOWN!"
Santa Claus gave a child a bike and a football. The child wasn’t happy. Why?
He had no legs.
What to say to a single guy who's insulting you: "Shut up, you horny virgin!"
Why did the condom cross the road?
Because he was pissed off.
My grandpa's last words were, "Why is there a body in my kitchen?"
No witnesses.
My favorite website.
pornhub.com
Why is a pro fighter like a fisher?
They both can throw a hook.
What is yellow and does not float well?
A school bus.
Grandpa's last words: "Why do you have a chainsaw?"
I was making a bet with my grandfather about who would die first. I said that I would die first.
He said "Bet" and died after he drank his coffee.
He was my least favorite grandparent.
What song do you think was playing at the school?
"Pumped Up Kicks"
I remember my grandad's last words: "Are you still holding the ladder?"
What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?
Well, at least one gets picked.