One night, I saw a woman sitting behind a dumpster. So I took her home. We talked all the way there. When we got home, I gave her a bath. Later on, things started getting passionate. We started doing intercourse, and some of the noises she made you would have thought she was still alive!
Morbid Jokes
I gave up hope and I liked it!!
I take meds to feel fantastic! (I kissed a boy{but fed up lyrics})
Why is the USA so bad at chess?
Because they already lost two towers.
What’s green and orange and sits at the bottom of the swimming pool?
A baby with burst armbands.
Kian. Legit, Kian is a joke.
I was making vegetable soup yesterday, but the wheelchair wouldn’t fit.
My mom told me drugs are my enemies... but Jesus said to love your enemies.
Why is 1 equal to 22?
4 is too busy and one has the 21s to 4!
How do you properly eat a vegetable?
You tip over the wheelchair.
What do you call a peanut on the allergy table?
A kill streak.
When an emo kid jumps out of a tree, what happens when he hits the ground?
Nothin' much, he just flops over an hour later when they untie the rope.
What do you call an African American pilot?
A pilot, you racist bastard!
The other day while I was going down on my grandma, I thought I tasted a little horse semen and I got to wondering if maybe that’s what killed her!
Three guys are in the woods, a really smart guy, an average guy, and a really dumb guy. They're bored, so the smart guy decides to go hunting. A little while later he comes back with a deer. The average guy asks, "How did you do that?" The really smart guy says, "I see deer tracks, I follow deer tracks, I see deer, I shoot deer." The average guy says, "I think I understand," and leaves. A little bit later he comes back with a raccoon. The really dumb guy goes *gasp*, "How did you do that!?" And the average looks at him funny and says, "Well, I see raccoon tracks, I follow raccoon tracks, I see raccoon, I shoot raccoon." The super dumb guy thinks for a second and says, "Oooohh, ok, I think I can do that..." and leaves.
Hours pass, and the guy finally returns, hurt, bloody, and horribly mangled. They run to help him. Finally, one of the guys asks him what happened. This is what he said: "I see train tracks, I follow train tracks, I see train, I shoot train. But train keep coming."
Somebody’s son said, "Mom, my dick has white stuff coming out of it." She said, "Oh, good one, son, so when’s the baby coming?"
What’s one thing you can say at a funeral and during sex?
She was too young.
If 7 8 9, why was 10 scared?
Because he was between 9 11.
My girlfriend told me the dishwasher was leaking, so I brought home some tampons.
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but a crowbar could do it so much quicker.
Funny thing happened today, my dad came home from work which is weird cause he’s a suicide bomber.
