Morbid jokes
I went to a sleepover at my best friend's house. He lives with his grandpa and little brother, his mom and dad. His little brother likes to run around the house naked sometimes. I can't help but notice his grandpa always looks up when he does.
A mom gave her son "the talk". Her son replies, "Wait, so there really isn't candy involved? Guess Grandpa lied."
Wife is texting husband:
"Honey, if I give you 300 dollars, will you stop being blind?"
Husband: "seilghsielguG"
Wife: "Seriously, David?"
Husband: "fuweyadb"
Why did the old man fall into the well? He couldn't see that well.
What gets louder as it gets smaller?
A baby in a trash compactor.
What's the difference between a trampoline and a baby? I take my shoes off when I jump on a trampoline.
What does a rock and a girl have in common?
The flat ones get skipped.
What’s the difference between a drug dealer and a prostitute?
A prostitute only has one crack, and has to wash it and sell it again.
What do you get when you cross a Cuban and corrupt dictator, Fidel Castro?
First Date: HE: "I work with animals every day!" SHE: "Oh how sweet! What is it that you do?" HE: "I’m a butcher." SHE: "Perfect! I work with humans, I just kill them by cutting them up!"
HE: "So it's you in the newspaper?" SHE: "Yes, it was, wanna be next?" HE: "No!"
In Israel, they chop convicted rapists' balls off. Sure glad I don't live in Israel.
"Number 15: Burger King foot lettuce. The last thing you want in your Burger King burger is someone's foot fungus, but as it turns out, that might be what you get."
One night, I saw a woman sitting behind a dumpster. So I took her home. We talked all the way there. When we got home, I gave her a bath. Later on, things started getting passionate. We started doing intercourse, and some of the noises she made you would have thought she was still alive!
I gave up hope and I liked it!!
I take meds to feel fantastic! (I kissed a boy{but fed up lyrics})
Why is the USA so bad at chess?
Because they already lost two towers.
What’s green and orange and sits at the bottom of the swimming pool?
A baby with burst armbands.
Kian. Legit, Kian is a joke.
I was making vegetable soup yesterday, but the wheelchair wouldn’t fit.
My mom told me drugs are my enemies... but Jesus said to love your enemies.
Why is 1 equal to 22?
4 is too busy and one has the 21s to 4!