Morbid jokes
Before I die, I'm going to ask to be cremated.
Then I'm going to eat a bunch of popcorn kernels.
Then I'll die and get cremated. BOOM! I'm popcorn!
Why don't churches have Wi-Fi?
They can't compete with an invisible force that actually works.
"It never gets old."
"Just like a sick kid!"
What's a man's favorite thing that starts with "m" and ends with "arriage?"
Miscarriage.
What did the lion say to the lion tamer? Nothing, because when the lion tamer whipped the lion, the lion killed him.
Q: What did one emo kid say to the other emo kid?
A: Wanna hang out?
Fun fact! You can hold your breath till the rest of your life.
I'm bored and I'm sure someone scrolling through here is too, so wanna chat? Pls.
My Xbox has been acting up lately... So I painted it black to make it run faster.
Q: What did one snake say to the other?
A: Nothing because they are both dead.
I took my girlfriend out the other day... Man, do I love being a sniper.
I'm glad I'm not a pornstar... that would be pretty sucky.
Why is the leaning tower of Pizza leaning?
It has better reflexes than the twin towers.
I got kicked out of a hospital once. I told all the COVID patients to stay positive.
I threw a paralyzed kid into the fireplace and called him hotwheels.
A wife is like a grenade. Pull the ring and the house is gone.
Remember, kids: the school shooter can't get you if YOU are the shooter.
What do you call an autistic kid with a gun?
Special forces.
My dad died the other day, but I was able to hear his last words: "Son, are you still holding the ladder?"
Alex: Dad, can we get me a little brother from the orphanage?
Dad: Sure, Alex! We're here!
Orphanage manager: Alex! You are so big now!
Alex: Dad, what is she talking about?!