Morbid jokes

What's a man's favorite thing that starts with "m" and ends with "arriage?"

Miscarriage.

What did the lion say to the lion tamer? Nothing, because when the lion tamer whipped the lion, the lion killed him.

Q: What did one emo kid say to the other emo kid?

A: Wanna hang out?

Fun fact! You can hold your breath till the rest of your life.

I'm bored and I'm sure someone scrolling through here is too, so wanna chat? Pls.

My Xbox has been acting up lately... So I painted it black to make it run faster.

Q: What did one snake say to the other?

A: Nothing because they are both dead.

I took my girlfriend out the other day... Man, do I love being a sniper.

I'm glad I'm not a pornstar... that would be pretty sucky.

Why is the leaning tower of Pizza leaning?

It has better reflexes than the twin towers.

I got kicked out of a hospital once. I told all the COVID patients to stay positive.

I threw a paralyzed kid into the fireplace and called him hotwheels.

A wife is like a grenade. Pull the ring and the house is gone.

Remember, kids: the school shooter can't get you if YOU are the shooter.

What do you call an autistic kid with a gun?

Special forces.

My dad died the other day, but I was able to hear his last words: "Son, are you still holding the ladder?"

Alex: Dad, can we get me a little brother from the orphanage?

Dad: Sure, Alex! We're here!

Orphanage manager: Alex! You are so big now!

Alex: Dad, what is she talking about?!

My brother wanted to go fishing. I told him he had to learn how to "master bait". Go look it up on YouTube. Guess who is grounded?

What's the worst thing to star in?

An amber alert.

when Ted Bundy found out he was getting the death penalty, he was pretty shocked...