Morbid jokes
What are the best shooting ranges in America?
Schools.
When I went to heaven, I saw Steven Hawking standing there. I asked why he isn’t in heaven yet. He said there are stairs.
You realize you're in a paradox until you die. You'll see yourself die by murder, suicide, old age, etc.
Then you realize you're dreaming, but you realize that if you die in a dream, you die IRL.
Why is the dog having KFC? Because the dog has no friends.
Yo mama's teeth are so crooked, they have a British accent.
Why don’t you peel a banana?
It’s too hard to kill your nana.
What do you call a 3-sum with a girl with AIDS?
Nut in the butt.
I like my kids how I like my lights, Hanging from the ceiling.
What's the similarity between dogs and poor people?
They both eat from trash.
Does anyone have an Xbox One? My gamertag is Chalkyfrog11. Add me and comment on this post telling me your gamertag.
What do you call a train with bubble gum?
A chew chew train.
Oh man, I'm depressed.
What do you call Greg in your class? Obese.
What starts with "M" and ends in "arrige" and is a man's favorite thing?
Miscarriage, this joke never gets old, just like the baby.
Girls are like numbers squared. If they're under 13, just do 'em in your head.
What do you call a guy with no arms and legs, at your front door?
Matt.
What do you say to a kid in a trash compactor?
You looking a little square.
Why don't Japanese people like iPhones?
Because they are afraid of American airdrops.
Before I die, I'm going to ask to be cremated.
Then I'm going to eat a bunch of popcorn kernels.
Then I'll die and get cremated. BOOM! I'm popcorn!
Why don't churches have Wi-Fi?
They can't compete with an invisible force that actually works.
"It never gets old."
"Just like a sick kid!"