I was reading a book about an immortal dog yesterday...
It was impossible to put down.
Morbid Jokes
Two guys are captured by native Chinese. They give them two choices: 1. Death. 2. 他妈的
The first guy: What's 他妈的?
The Chinese: Fucking.
The first guy chooses death.
Second guy to himself: Well, I'll let these sick fucks fuck me. At least I'll be alive...
The Chinese: Come on, we don't have all day.
Second guy: I choose 他妈的.
The Chinese: Ok, 他妈的 to the death!
How do you know that your sister is on her period?
Your dad's dick tastes weird.
Joker: Knock knock...
Batman: Who's there?
Joker: Not your parents!
How do you find a blind man at a nude beach?
It isn't hard.
Boomer.
A suicide bomber's biggest fear is dying alone.
Dwarf Shortage.
What’s the difference between a zit and a catholic priest?
A zit waits till you’re 13 to come on your face
Your Mom tells you to take out the trash, and the next day the Police are asking if you bombed the School.
Man 1: I-I ran my mom over to get a stupid book.
Man 2: Aww, books aren't that bad. I'm sure she thinks you're a great son considering she can't drive anymore.
Man 1: She was in the road, and I was rushing to get the last copy of this book. She can't drive or do anything anymore.
My dad is like my depression, you need a suicide letter to find him.
I wish my dog was depressed so she can cut her own nails.
What do you call a modern-day plague doctor? A COVID doctor.
What do you call a green boner? The Grinch.
How do you get a baby to stop crying?
Simple... you staple its mouth shut.
Today, I learned that a group of piranhas can maul a small child down to the bone in under 20 seconds. Well, I lost my job at the aquarium today.
I pushed a disabled kid in a fire, then called him "hot wheels."
Me: Now I know why Michael Jackson turned white.
The police: You finally figured it out.
My wife left me yesterday.
I haven't talked to the kids in a year.
