Morbid jokes

I told my mother I wanted a brother for Christmas. The next day, I saw her in the strip club across the street.

I was walking in the forest with my gf.

I had a Desert Eagle for protection.

A bear jumped out of the bushes; one shot was enough to put my gf down, and it gave me enough time to run away.

Two bald dudes were pulling each other's hair.

What is burned dark and glued to the wall?

A bad electrician.

I once saw a one-handed man in a second-hand store.

I said to him: "I don't think they have what you're looking for, sir."

Part 1: Two men were walking down the way when the third one came.

Part 2: Two men were walking down the way when the third one came.

Part 3: Two men were walking down the way when the third one came.

Part 4: Guess what... two men were walking down the way when the second one fell in the sewers and died... The first one was lonely.

What happens when premenstrual Raggedy Ann gets with the Pillsbury Dough Boy?

A red headed bitch with a yeast infection.

What do you get when you cross an atheist an insomniac?

Someone who stays up all night wondering if there's a dog.

What do starving kids call Venetian blinds?

Bunk beds.

So I went to a mall and I was finna buy something... and I saw a little boy and he said "hello," so then I passed by him and he said "hi," and I was like "hi nigga," and he said, "um, just wondering something... I mean I like jokes, but what is dark humor?" And I was like "umm🤔.. it's like 🤔🤔...like you see that guy without legs? Tell him to stand up"... and he said "I'm blind nigga" and I said "exactly homie"... aight nigga peace and look out😏😉

My humour is so dark that its life matters.

Remember that you're unique, just like everyone else.

What are the 3 shortest words in the English language?

“Is It In?”

What’s a Muslim’s favorite car?

A Citroën C4.

I was looking forward to some toast...

So I took the toaster in the bath with me.

I was reading a book about an immortal dog yesterday...

It was impossible to put down.

Two guys are captured by native Chinese. They give them two choices: 1. Death. 2. 他妈的

The first guy: What's 他妈的?

The Chinese: Fucking.

The first guy chooses death.

Second guy to himself: Well, I'll let these sick fucks fuck me. At least I'll be alive...

The Chinese: Come on, we don't have all day.

Second guy: I choose 他妈的.

The Chinese: Ok, 他妈的 to the death!

How do you know that your sister is on her period?

Your dad's dick tastes weird.

Joker: Knock knock...

Batman: Who's there?

Joker: Not your parents!

How do you find a blind man at a nude beach?

It isn't hard.