Morbid jokes

I keep looking for my girlfriend's killer, but no one wants to do it.

Q: What can turn a fruit into a vegetable?

A: AIDS.

So um uh I like people who like people who like people.

I called the Chinese takeaway yesterday. A man picked up the phone and said: "Hello! I am Wan Kin, the chef." I said that I'll come back later.

Bored.

What do you call 2 homeless people throwing rocks at each other? "Pillow Fight!"

I was going to go hunting but then I realized, schools are closed due to covid.

I remember when I was at a funeral at the age of 6. I was with my grandma and asked, "Grandma, Grandma, why is that man in a box?"

And she says, "He's in a better place now." I look at her confused and ask, "What kind of box did he live in before?! How is this box better than the last one?! It's just a box!"

And to this day I am still not allowed to go to funerals.

What do U.S. airstrikes and dark humor have in common?

They're normally pointed towards Africa and the Middle East.

What is a kidnapper's favorite shoe?

White Vans.

(Wait, forgot about the 3rd third thing.) I have said this countless times, but it doesn't seem to be getting through to you: quit hating on particular jokes. You don't like it? Nobody cares. Don't go into the morbid jokes category, you idiots, ffs!

I have two things I wanna say:

1. When people swear, stop taking it so fucking literally. If someone calls you a bitch, they're not calling you a female dog. If they call you a cunt, they're not calling you a woman's private part, they are calling you either an idiot, scaredy cat/baby, or something along those lines, ffs.

2. wtf

Tell me orphan jokes are a really bad joke. People are really orphans, and there is a lot of 'em, and they are all depressed. Who would make fun of depressed people? Well, those dumbass evil people!!

One time, I took my wife to the doctors. My wife had a severe migraine and needed a medic. I waited for about 10 minutes.

The doctor walked out with my wife in a wheelchair. "Due to your wife's broken hip, she may never walk again," said the doctor. "She had a migraine," I said. "Oh, we know," said the doctor.

What's the difference between Pikachu and an orphan?

Pikachu, I choose you!

Two friends are talking and one says, "I had a good day today, I ran into my ex." The other guy replies, "How is that good?" The friend says, "I was in my car."

Does anyone know how to add pictures? Like, I need to know.

What do you call a kid in a wheelchair coming out of a building on fire? Hot wheels.

Hey, what is the difference between a painting and a wife?

Only the wife was hung up.

I bought a white Xbox to last longer, and I bought a black Xbox to run faster.