Morbid jokes

da baby

What do volcanoes and suicide bombers have in common?

They both erupt when triggered.

Two people are sitting in a skyscraper.

P1: Hey, what wifi are you connected to? The company wifi is horrible.

P2: Airplane wifi.

A man asked for poison and another man gave it to him. The first man took a sip and said, "hmmm, this tastes like arsenic." He took a sip of another and said, "hmmm, this tastes like cyanide. A very unpleasant taste that brings back memories."

People always said that if you killed a murderer, there would be the same number of murderers. Why stop at one?

This is how my mom always threatens me: "I brought you into this world, I can bring you out of it too." That's why I only have 2 siblings left.

I wonder where the bodies are?

Once upon a time, Bob was in his hospital bed, receiving medical treatment not that far after finding out he had cancer. One day, his friend Jeremy decided to visit him. Jeremy told his best buddy this very inspiring sentence: "Sometimes in life, you and your heart will climb tall peaking mountains, and low flat valleys, and all after that we'll be happy forever in heaven, eventually." Little did Bob know that Jeremy was talking about his heart monitor.

Why did LazarBeam kiss a man?

Because he couldn't kiss Fresh; he was already gay.

Hi, I'm new here and I'm 11. I'm just bored and want a girlfriend.

Does anyone have Snapchat or Twitter? I can show you what I look like ;)

What do you call six gay men at war? Rainbow Six Siege.

Did you know Cobain had dandruff? Yep. They found his head and shoulders all over the back of his couch.

Humans and sharks have something in common: the great ones are always white.

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and acne? Acne doesn't come on a 5-year-old's face.

Did you know there was a record for the quickest time to finish a story? The day it was set was 9/11. 99 stories in .4 seconds.

What's a kidnapper's favorite shoes?

White vans.

I'm a lady, so I'm a man.

Hey Gwen.

What was Hitler's lucky number?

Nein.

I just wanted to write something random.

And now my wife is dead.

What is a cannibal's favorite drink?

Coffee.