Morbid jokes
A man walks into a rooftop bar and takes a seat next to another guy. “What are you drinking?” he asks the guy.
“Super Power Beer,” he says.
“Oh, yeah? I doubt it?”
Then he shows him: He swigs some beer, dives off the roof, and lands with no damage whatsoever. He walks back into the bar.
“Amazing!” the man says. “Let me have some!” The man grabs the beer. He drinks it, jumps off the roof — and falls 15 stories to the ground.
Splat.
The barman says. “You know, you’re a real idiot when you’re drunk, Superman.”
What did the fat man say as he entered Nagasaki?
Nothing, he just exploded.
My wife left a note on the fridge. The note read, "It's not working." I don't know what she's talking about. I opened the fridge, and it worked fine!
If you take a shot, a paper wad, in the trashcan, and call "Kobe!" but miss, it's still a Kobe.
What did me and my uncle call hide and seek? Naked and afraid.
Method Man: Yo what’s crackin’?
ODB: Yep
Forrest Gump: Who's your favorite Lord of the Rings character?
Lieutenant Dan: Legaless.
Jerry Garcia: I’m going on a TRIP today!
Bob Weir: Where are you going?
Jerry Garcia: I’m already on it. 😯🦄🌈
Comedian: If you’re racist and you know it, clap your hands.
Guy 1 & Guy 2: 👏👏
Comedian: WTF bros!
Comedian: And one of you is black and one is white. How does that work?
What happens when someone shoots the Hulk?
He got gangryeen.
Gangrene+green+angry
Why did Zayn Malik get his girlfriend to convert to Islam? So she can declare GiGIHADid.
Grandma: Young people your age are married by now, why aren’t you?
Me: Old people your age are dead right now, why aren’t you?
Last week I found out my toaster is waterproof.
Wanna hear a joke? My life! Hahahah! Just kidding, jokes actually mean something...
What's Michael Jackson's favorite thing to do on guitar?
Fingering A minor.
What's the difference between an American police man and a Christian?
At least a Christian kneels in church.
I painted my black PS5 white so the controller would run faster.
"Lizzie Borden took an axe. And gave her mother forty whacks. When she saw what she had done, She gave her father forty-one."
What goes Snap, Crackle, and Pop?
A neck.
Last week was my blind friend's birthday. I thought I would give him something really good that he may need.
As I walk into his house and give him a cheese grater for a birthday present, he sets it next to him. As weeks pass, he comes up to me. He said, "That present that you gave me for my birthday was the most intense book I have ever read!"