Morbid jokes

If a crippled man told stories about himself, would that be called VeggieTales?

I like my men like I like my whiskey: Irish and put in a barrel for 2 years with barely any oxygen.

Why are women like hurricanes?

They come in nasty and wet, then leave with your house and car.

What do pedophiles and a SpongeBob intro have in common?

Are you ready kids?

"Namaste, 6 feet away, or I'll blow you away with this AK!"

So I found out a rainbow is basically where a guy ejaculates in a female's mouth and she swallows her period juice and they both kiss each other, swishing it together in each other's mouth, and it forms a rainbow.

And a strawberry shortcake is basically where a dude ejaculates on a female's face and then punches her in the nose, causing her to bleed. That's why it's called a strawberry shortcake.

Stephen Hawking walks into a bar, just kidding.

What's the hardest part to eat of a vegetable?

The wheelchair.

What's the difference between my ass and the toddlers in my uncle's basement?

My ass doesn't cry when he sticks it in late at night.

My name is Joe Biden, and I am running for US Senate.

One day a couple was walking when the man stepped on something hard and squishy, then they heard a sound from the bushes. Instead of looking down, they both ran.

Two years later, they turned on the TV to find Ted Bundy on trial. They asked him if he has ever been caught. He said, "No, but a couple was walking as soon as I killed a girl. I jumped into a bush. They didn't know I was there, but the man stepped on the dead body but didn't look down, then he and his girlfriend ran."

Robin Williams' death was the most horrible impression ever given. (RIP Robin Williams, you will be missed!)

Never take a person canoeing or kayaking if they had a cerebrovascular accident.

They’ll hear the one word they hate the most: “STROKE, STROKE, STROKE!”

I have many jokes about unemployed people, but sadly, none of them seemed to have worked.

My girlfriend's dog died, so I got her a new one in replacement, and she went off on me and yelled,

"What am I supposed to do with 2 dead dogs in my house?!"

What do you call an orphan that sings a solo?

Q: Wanna see something funny?

A: Sure.

*bomb Florida*

My mom said I rely on my devices too much, so I unplugged her life support.

Joe Biden

My gf dumped me, so I took her wheelchair.

Guess who came crawling back?