Morbid jokes

One day a couple was walking when the man stepped on something hard and squishy, then they heard a sound from the bushes. Instead of looking down, they both ran.

Two years later, they turned on the TV to find Ted Bundy on trial. They asked him if he has ever been caught. He said, "No, but a couple was walking as soon as I killed a girl. I jumped into a bush. They didn't know I was there, but the man stepped on the dead body but didn't look down, then he and his girlfriend ran."

Robin Williams' death was the most horrible impression ever given. (RIP Robin Williams, you will be missed!)

Never take a person canoeing or kayaking if they had a cerebrovascular accident.

They’ll hear the one word they hate the most: “STROKE, STROKE, STROKE!”

I have many jokes about unemployed people, but sadly, none of them seemed to have worked.

My girlfriend's dog died, so I got her a new one in replacement, and she went off on me and yelled,

"What am I supposed to do with 2 dead dogs in my house?!"

What do you call an orphan that sings a solo?

Q: Wanna see something funny?

A: Sure.

*bomb Florida*

My mom said I rely on my devices too much, so I unplugged her life support.

Joe Biden

My gf dumped me, so I took her wheelchair.

Guess who came crawling back?

You. You're a joke.

Yo mama so fat, when she fell, I didn't laugh, but the concrete laughed up.

I like my dates like I like my wine...

Locked in a cellar and aged for 12 years.

I bought an anti-bullying wristband. I say I bought it; I stole it off a fat ginger kid.

Mom died, so I planted mums and forget-me-nots all over her grave site.

What's the best thing about dating a blind chick?

She can't identify you.

I was walking down Main Street when I saw a child.

I told him, "I will give you 20$ if you get my balls back from the vet."

He replied, "Why did they take your balls sir?"

"Beer plus going to the vet does not work well for everybody, especially when you're a furry."

Help me...

What did one orphan say to the other?

"GET IN THE BATMOBILE, ROBIN!"

Brits don't exist. Mummies can't have kids.