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Morbid jokes

Morbid jokes

I hate it when people are at my house and ask, "Do you have a bathroom?" What answer are they expecting? "No, we pee in the yard?"

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    • A man was hitting a woman with his d*ck. Someone ran up to the man and said, "That's domestic violence!" The man replied with, "No, it's not domestic violence, it's dumbass-d*ck violence!"

    What does a phone and a grandma have in common? They both die.

    What's the difference between them? If you shove something up your grandma's ass, she won't come back to life.

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    • What is red, green, lies in a ditch, and is covered in cookie crumbs?

    ...A girl scout that got hit by a car.

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    • They say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day, well not if it's poisoned.

    Then the antidote becomes the most important.

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    • I was up all night because my neighbors were having sex.

    *I was actually up all night watching.*

    God creating cats.

    GOD: Make the most fluffy cute thing you can think of.

    ANGEL: Ok.......................................anything else?

    GOD: YES, PUT RAZOR BLADES ON ITS FEET!!!!!!!!

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    • I gave my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. Next week he told me it was the most violent book he ever read.

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    • My girlfriend lives a few miles away from me.

    The other night, she called me at around 3 AM. She was terrified. She said that there were two armed gunmen in her apartment.

    With all that adrenaline going through my system, it made it hard to go back to sleep.

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