Morbid jokes
I’m so annoyed by those people who just believe in anything they hear. This is a conversation I had a few days ago.
Idiot: "The moon landing was faked! So unbelievably fake!" Me: "You believe in the moon? Stupidass."
My grandpa is an asshole. The fucker deserved to die. The son of a bitch was using his life support, and I needed to change my iPhone.
What's the definition of disappointment?
Running into a wall with a boner, but it only hits your nose.
What's the worst thing about eating a shaved pussy?
Putting the diaper back on.
Abortion, it really brings out the kid in you.
Today my EX got trampled by a bunch of horses, and sadly I lost my job as a horse trainer.
What is it called when you whoop a donkey?
A whooped ass and apparently some people get that everyday from their drunk dads.
How do you start a rave? Throw a flash bang into an epileptic children's ward.
Girlfriends are just like AK47s; they always go off on you.
Why didn't the toilet paper cross the road? It was stuck in a crack.
Dark humor is like a kid with cancer.
It never gets old.
Dark jokes are like Antarctica.
They're cold.
What is worse to have - a dead baby or a dead Santa Claus?
Santa. You need extra freezers for reindeer.
What does food and dark humour have in common?
Not everybody gets it.
Why do I call my dog a vibrator?
Because every time my dog acts like a dildo, I beat him, and when I beat him, he shakes. What do you call a shaking dildo? A vibrator, therefore I call my dog a vibrator.
Ever tried Ethiopian food? No? Neither have they.
What turns red, blue then white? The last person that I'd strangle.
My life...
"I’m sorry" and "I apologize" mean the same thing.
Except at a funeral.
What's brown and hurts your teeth?
A chocolate?
No. A baseball bat in my hands.