Morbid jokes
I gave my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. Next week he told me it was the most violent book he ever read.
A starving homeless kid asks me for food.
I said, "sorry, my plate is full."
What's the POINT in stabbing people?
HAHAHA
I'd make 9/11 jokes, but they'd just crash and burn.
Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Dad!
Dad who?
Silence.
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Dad!
Dad who?
*Silence*
When Chinese babies are born, they should put "MADE FROM CHINA."
What colors were Kurt Cobain's eyes? Blue! One blew right and the other blew up!
What is a cannibal's favorite food?
Crackers.
My girlfriend lives a few miles away from me.
The other night, she called me at around 3 AM. She was terrified. She said that there were two armed gunmen in her apartment.
With all that adrenaline going through my system, it made it hard to go back to sleep.
What do apples and witches have in common? They both hang on trees.
These two guys were at a bar flirting with these girls. The guy says, "Are you a parking ticket, 'cause you got fine written all over you?"
The girl turns and says, "How about you pay for them, and then I can pay you back with me getting all over you?"
What's the difference between an air blower and Little Boy?
When the air blower blew, it did not wipe out Hiroshima.
"How was your day?"
"It was great."
"What was so great about it?"
"I saw a puppy."
"Awww."
"And I ran over it :)"
Me and my brother were called the twin towers. My brother lived up to his title after the plane crash.
When your friend does a finger-gun and his dad appears behind him and does it too, with the real deal!
How did Stephen Hawking die?
He rolled too far away from the outlet on the wall.
What do you call an all-you-can-eat buffet for a pedophile? A school bus.
Police: Where do you live?
Me: With my parents.
Police: Where do your parents live?
Me: With me.
Police: Where do you all live?
Me: Together.
Police: Where is your house?
Me: Next to my neighbor.
Police: Where is your neighbor’s house?
Me: If I tell you, you won't believe me.
Police: Tell me.
Me: Next to my house.
What did the mute man tell the blind man?
Nothing.