Morbid jokes
What's one thing gay people can't draw?
A straight line.
*Hears the news about Sandy Hook* Person 1: "God, I can only imagine what was going through those kids' heads in the last moments of their lives..."
Person 2: "Probably Bullets."
Person 1: "OMG!! Can you even think of what their parents are going through?!"
Person 2: "Probably Coffin Brochures."
Person 1: "...."
Person 2: "It's called dark humor. Dark humor is like food, not everyone gets it."
How many cancer patients does it take to change a lightbulb? 10, 1 to change the lightbulb, 9 to talk about how inspired they are?
I saw a yellow bus and I knew that some-ting was wrong.
The bus was white.
What’s my favorite Islamic Holiday... 9/11.
Why can’t dinosaurs clap?
Because they're dead.
Daughter: "I know this is weird, but I feel like someone is watching me when I am sleeping."
Father: "Sorry."
What do you call a cow with no legs? (Ground Beef!) No, a cow! The absence of legs does not change the fact that the species is still a cow!
What do you call a DOG with no legs? (A dog?) It doesn't matter what you call it, as it's never going to come.
Why do people always talk about 9/11, but seriously, just let it sit there, like the rubble it is.
My departed uncle was a circus clown before he died.
So all his friends came in one car.
Why did the Columbine High School basketball team lose the big game?
Because they lost their two best shooters...
What do you call a stalker stalking himself? A narcissist.
What's the difference between a dump truck of dead babies and a Ferrari?
I don't own a Ferrari.
Friends are like trees, they fall over if you hit them with an ax.
My favorite thing to do in my free time is putting a large skewer on the front of my car and speeding through a school zone trying to make a kebab.
I'd tell a joke about my abusive dad, but I only remember the punch line.
There's two types of emo people:
1. People that cut side to side.
2. And people that cut up and down.
The most efficient is up and down.
What do you call a depressed emo? Dead.
What’s a Mexican’s favorite sport?
Cross-country.
Trump says to Obama, "You know it’s the White House, not the black house, right?" And Obama says, "Yeah, but it isn’t the orange house either."