Money jokes
Why did the orphan play Monopoly? To at least get some money. #fake
My wife got mad at me because I took our life savings and brought golden retrievers.
Like, bitch, we can get gold because of these golden retrievers.
The cashier asked if I wanted to give my extra dollar to the poor. I said sure, and I got a Cash App notification for $1.
Money is power, and power is sex. Sex is ex, and ex is virgin.
Rape is so outdated, but when you pay them money, it is a popular date!
Solve world hunger: $10 My paycheck: $10 US Government:
What are the similarities between Stephen Hawking and a bull?
They both charge.
If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart, I'd be broke.
When you find out the stripper you're banging is a hooker, but you're saving money, so it's okay.
When you're so rich that you can buy anything, you end up getting a cow in your living room. Yeah, anyways, my ex is still in my living room.
If Joey Deacon made his own company, it would be called The Joey Deacon Company; Walt Disney should have a run for its money.
P.S. The Joey Deacon Pictures logo would have some autistic people making noises to "When You Wish Upon A Star", with the castle being the Blue Peter ship instead.
What did Stephen Hawking's mum say to him when he asked for £10?
"You can take a run and jump!"
It’s true women do make less money than men.
But it’s their fault because they choose the lower paying jobs. Men, for example, choose the higher paying jobs like doctor or lawyer. Whereas women choose the lower paying jobs like women doctor and women lawyer.
The bakery where I work is being robbed. I said to the people, "I am calling the police." Then I realized they did not come for the money; they came for the bread. Huh, go figure!
Q: What do you call a rich Asian? A: Dr.
When your uncle drops a nickel, but the only thing he really drops is his pants.
Banker: I have the right to take your money!
Me: Check my name.
Banker: Robin D. Bank, why?
Banker: *realizes*
Me: 😈🖐️ Gimme, gimme.
Why did the woman throw her bills out the window? She wanted to send them via airmail.
I try and try every day, but 5 keep coming out. There's so money at this point my walls are built of babies.
I was walking down the street when I saw this dude just vibing. He was telling every guy that walked by if his dick was bigger than theirs, they have to give him 50 bucks.
Long story short, I walked away with 100 bucks that day.
What is the difference between a male prostitute who is a Democrat and a male prostitute who is a Republican?
When Republicans perform fellatio for money, it is called prostitution, but when Democrats perform fellatio for money, it is called a donation to their political campaign.