Money

Money jokes

Student

    • A 28-year-old medical student is auctioning off her virginity online.

    For $300K, you can have the worst sex of your life.

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    • Truck

    • Don't Touch My Truck-By: Breland and Sam Hunt

    You can drink my liquor. You can call my lady. You can take my money. You can smoke my blunt. Scuff these Jordans. You can say you hate me. You can call me crazy, but Don't touch my truck (skrrt, skrrt) Skrrt (yeah, yeah) Skrrt Don't touch my truck (brrp, yeah) Skrrt (woo-oh) Skrrt Don't touch my V8 engine with the windows tinted Boy, we came from the bottom, got it out the mud Whole block jumpin' 'cause the subs stay hittin'. If they roll up on me, know I keep one tucked (ooh, yeah) Woo Tell them boys come and get me. I be ridin' through the city. Young, rich and I'm pretty. Homie, don't get it twisted. Keep a semi in the hemi (oh) Red cup full of Henny. My hitters come in plenties, for real. You can drink my liquor. You can call my lady. You can take my money. You can smoke my blunt. Scuff these Jordans. You can say you hate me. You can call me crazy, but Don't touch my truck (skrrt, skrrt) Skrrt (yeah, yeah) Skrrt Don't touch my truck (brrp, yeah) Skrrt (woo-oh) Skrrt Don't touch my Wood grain dash with the matte black finish And it match my shawty with the big ol' butt. Know them boys soft 'cause they got hard feelings. You can try me if you wanna go and test your luck (woo) Tell them boys come and get me (get me) I be ridin' through the city. Young, rich and I'm pretty (yeah) Homie, don't get it twisted (yeah) Keep a semi in the hemi (in the hemi) Red cup full of Henny (yeah, we drinking) My hitters come in plenties, for real. You can drink my liquor. You can call my lady. You can take my money. You can smoke my blunt. Scuff these Jordans. You can say you hate me. You can call me crazy, but Don't touch my truck Skrrt Skrrt Don't touch my truck Skrrt Skrrt Don't touch my Woo, ooh, woo, ooh, woo, ooh Don't touch my truck (woo, ooh) Don't touch my truck

    Mom

    • My mom told me to make my dad smile, and she will give me $100, so I said, "The Cowboys are gonna win the Super Bowl." He smiled, but my mom didn't give it to me.

    Anyways, I forgot about my package coming, and the mailman came, and I said, "I like your hat; teal looks nice on you," and he smiled, and my mom gave me $100.

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    • Waiter

    • The waiter comes and asks you for the check. Instead I give him a 20 dollar bill and say, "Boy, you can keep it!"

    Money memes

    Stephen Hawking

    • Stephen Hawking went bankrupt after he found out somebody in his house was costing him way too much money on electricity bills.

    He just couldn’t figure out who.

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    • Penny

    • Teacher: Okay class, look at the person to the right of you and describe them with one word.

    Me: *looks to the right of me and sees the pick-me girl* "Penny."

    Teacher: *shocked* How is she a penny?

    Me: 'Cause she's two-faced, flat, and always in someone's pants. Not to mention worth practically nothing.

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    • Loan

    • I went to the bank to apply for a Personal Loan.

    Then they found out I wanted to be a rapper, so they didn't want to Post M"loan."

    Son

    • A son walks up to his dad and says, "I'm so gay right now!"

    "HOW COULD YOU? I THOUGHT YOU WERE STRAIGHT!!!" screams the dad.

    "No, gay as in HAPPY," says the confused son, "I'm so happy right now!"

    "Oh," says the dad, "why are you happy?"

    Then the son said, "Because I just got 20 dollars for sucking a guy off."

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    • Guy

    • A guy who just got robbed says, "I've been hacked, and the hacker ransomware!"

    Stripper

    • When you find out the stripper you're banging is a hooker, but you're saving money, so it's okay.

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