Money jokes
Wife is texting husband:
"Honey, if I give you 300 dollars, will you stop being blind?"
Husband: "seilghsielguG"
Wife: "Seriously, David?"
Husband: "fuweyadb"
Money and women are kind of the same thing for me; it comes and goes very easily.
Your family is so poor, when you knocked on the door for money, I offered you a penny, and when you knocked again, the rock answered and knocked you out.
Mom: Hey hun, need some money for lunch at school?
Son: No, I got 1k already.
Mom: Wait, what, how?
Son: Mom's wallet is magic.
Why can’t orphans drink? Because they don’t have any money.
Roses are red, violets are blue, in the middle of the day, give me money, you!
What time does the man go to the bank?
8 AM.
How did the guys with Down syndrome split the dinner bill? They all made a down payment.
What did The Notorious B.I.G. say to the cow?
- MOO MONEY MOO PROBLEMS
Just buy KFC. I will give you 40000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999o999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
I saw a homeless dude and gave him $1.
I saw a homeless woman and gave her $0.77.
If you are a student at law school, a law professor can charge you up to $98,998.00 for one semester.
If the law professor is very late and is not punctual to teach you anything about law in his class, should a law student be able to charge the law professor a certain amount of money for not being able to teach his class because he is off task and not being punctual? Is your time precious too?
If the law professor is Polish, now you know the reason why you should never go to a law school that has a "dumb polack" for a law professor.
Sorry for your luck; it sucks to be you!
How do you know if a woman that is poor who is between 18-24 years old is poor enough to do anything for money to help pay her bills? She would be working as a lesbian prostitute inside a lesbian hotel in San Francisco, CA.
Your family is so cheap that they won't even pay for the child support to keep you.
Money is power, and power is sex. Sex is ex, and ex is virgin.
How do you know if a rapper's broke?
When he starts dropping cents instead of bars.
Why do elephants never get rich?
Because they work for peanuts!
I asked the gym trainer what type of machine I should use to get the best looking women.
He said the ATM outside.
Stephen Hawking has enough money to stand up, but can’t grab the money.
A man sits in a bar and gets seriously drunk to the point where he vomits on his shirt. He panics.
The bartender asked, "What's wrong, sir?"
The man replies, "I got drunk and vomited, my wife will kill me."
The bartender says, "Put $20 in the shirt and say someone puked on you and they paid you for the wash."
So the man walks out with the $20 he put in his shirt pocket. The next day, the wife said, "Why is there vomit on your shirt?"
The man says, "Someone puked on me and gave me $20 bucks for the wash."
The wife pulls out the money. "There is $40," says the wife.
"Oh, he also peed on me and paid for the wash, too." The man walks away believing he didn't get caught by his wife.