A Biologist, a Chemist, and a Statistician are out hunting.
The biologist shoots at a deer and misses five feet to the left.
The chemist shoots at the same deer and misses five feet to the right.
The statistician shouts, "We got him!"
My ex-wife still misses me, but her aim is getting better!
When does a joke become a dad joke? When it goes to get the milk yet never comes back.
Miss you dad.
Why are Americans so bad at Chess?
They're missing two towers.
The black nurse tells me she has been a vegan for 29 years. The father sitting next to me asks, "So you don't miss fried chicken?"
Yo mama so fat, when she passed by the TV, I missed a whole season of SpongeBob.
When I die I want to have a piece of paper near me giving a clue on how I died, like, "I want everyone to miss me except for this bullet," or, "You didn't hang with me but guess what did?"
Me: Cobain!
Friend: No, dude, it's Kobe.
Me: Why? Cobain didn't miss his last shot.
Vegan Teacher the musical.
Miss Kadie - "Oh no, you poor dead animal!"
Mr. Beast- 🎶 "You're a dumb Communist, Miss Kadie" 🎶
Chandler-🎵 "Yup, you're one high fluting son of a gun" 🎵
Mr. Beast- 🎵 "I just gobbled up a quadruple patty from my restaurant" 🎵
Miss Kadie - 🎵 "Don't hurt animals kids, do you want to be a vegans 'R' us kid?" 🎵
Kids- 🎵 "We've had enough of your problems, Miss Kadie, you're such a commie!"
Miss Kadie - 🎵 "I just want to die because I'm so sad!"
- Miss Kadie jumps off Mr. Beast Burger and commits suicide.
If you ever get bored, tell an orphan to take two days off their calendar. If they ask why, say, "Because you're missing Father's Day and Mother's Day."
What part is usually missing in an orphan’s computer system?
Motherboard.
I got in trouble at school today because I played the knife game with a pair of scissors, but I couldn't flip them off because I was missing that finger.
Parent: My parents never attended my birthdays.
Birthday girl: Oh wow!
Parent: Anyone missing?
Birthday girl: Your parents.
Hi! Sorry I haven't posted in a while. I've been so busy!!!! I miss y'all, though!
Why can't America play chess?
There are missing two towers.
There are times I miss you, that I wish I could remember where I hid your body.
I hit something when I pulled into my driveway.
And then I noticed that my cat was missing.
I miss understood that, Miss Understood.
Why does Miss Piggy douche with honey?
Because Kermit likes his pork sweet and sour.
Your dad is so fat that when he walks past the TV, I miss three episodes of South Park.
