Miss jokes

I hit something when I pulled into my driveway.

And then I noticed that my cat was missing.

I miss understood that, Miss Understood.

There once was a man named Dave who dug up a prostitutes grave, she was as moldy as shit and missing a tit, but think of all the money he saved

I don’t know why people don’t say "Cobain," because I’m pretty sure Kurt Cobain didn’t miss his last shot like Kobe did.

What’s missing from an orphan's iPad?

The home button.

What is the thing that orphans miss the most?

Their parents.

Me: Hey friend!

Friend: Yes?

Me: What is the missing sense? Seeing, smelling, _, tasting, hearing.

Friend: Touch.

Me: What do you spawn on Minecraft always? (jk only 99.99%)

Friend: Grass.

Me: And you get?

Friend: Touch grass.

Cristiano Clapnaldo woke up FEELING DANGEROUS against Real Sociedad!

- 0 tapins! - 0 assists! - 3/3 dives! - 0 key passes! - 2 big chances missed! - 1/4 dribbles! - 2 Offsides! - 27 claps!

Better than Elanga?

So I went to Comic-Con and saw a man with an arm missing, and I thought, "Cool display," until I heard him screaming and getting the other arm chopped off. Then I said, "Man, now that's a 10/10 display, wow!"

Hello Miss Chandia, here. I want to tell you guys a joke.

What do jokes serve for dessert?

When you say to your friend, "I've got your back," then at his funeral you see in his coffin he's missing his middle piece.

Person: So you know that person's name you say when you make a hoop, well he's dead.

Friend: Yeah, John Wilkes Booth.

Person: How dare you say that he killed Abraham Lincoln?

Friend: Terrible guy but he never missed a shot!

What do Miss Reeves and Michael Jackson have in common?

They both have a touchy feeling for kids.

If you take a shot, a paper wad, in the trashcan, and call "Kobe!" but miss, it's still a Kobe.

Kobe missed a lot of shots, but he sure didn’t miss the mountain.

The teacher once said to some students, "I was an orphan before your principal hired me."

The students said, "Oof, that is sad."

The teacher tried to ignore them and take attendance. She said, "Is anyone missing?"

The students said, "Your parents."

The teacher got offended and later that day quit her job.

Why can't America play chess?

They're missing two towers.

A Story:

I lived in a small house. Behind my house was a big forest. If I went in the forest, then I heard scary sounds. That was very dreadful. I had a son. He was 9 years old. One day he went into the forest and did not come back. I called the police, but it couldn't help. I went looking. I really wanted my son Robby back. I missed him so! With a flashlight and compass, I went into the dark, eerie forest. Then the noises came again, but this time I also heard a scream. A scream from a nine year old child. It was Robby, certainly! I stopped in front of a tunnel.

Sequel follows...

One day, little Johnny was playing with his toys and looked out the window. He saw the neighbor's kid laying face-first in the grass, not breathing.

Little Johnny continued to shoot his nerf gun at the neighbor's big booty cheeks. No movement at all. After little Johnny went to get a snack, he looked out the window again and the kid was gone.

Little Johnny went to the neighbors and said, "I'm sorry to hear that your child has gone missing."

"Wheel" all miss him, right?