Miss jokes
Miss Drake, can I go to the bathroom? I need to piss.
"Billy, we don't say piss. We say urinate. Do you understand?"
"Yes, Miss Drake."
"Very well. Now use the word urinate in a sentence."
"Miss Drake, urinate, but if you had any tits you'd be a ten."
If a deaf person is missing fingers, is it a speech impediment or an accent?
A father tells his 10-year-old son...
"Sprinkle a pinch of gunpowder on your cereal every morning and you will have a very long life."
His son followed his father's advice every morning without missing a day until he died at the age of 186, leaving behind 28 children, 67 grandchildren, 148 great-grandchildren, and a 7-foot crater where the crematory used to be.
It's okay if you miss while saying "Kobe" because he didn't make it either.
Yo mama is so fat, when she walked past the TV, I missed three episodes.
I'm the type to blow up half of my house to kill a spider... and still miss.
New teacher: "I was an orphan when I was young."
Student: "But!"
Teacher: "Is something missing?"
Student: "Your parents!"
What is missing on an orphanage computer? The motherboard.
Your mama so fat, when she walked past the TV, you missed two episodes.
Q. What do you get when you cross Vince Li with a bus? A. A whole lot of people who wished they'd missed the bus that day.
If you look for something for 10 days and a woman walks in, opens a cabinet, and finds it:
So, just hire a female pope for the Holy Grail that has been missing for 500 years so she just opens a cabinet and she finds it.
"When I heard that not arguing or fighting in a relationship represents a lack of interest, that's when my girlfriend started missing her makeup box."
There once was a man named Dave who dug up a prostitutes grave, she was as moldy as shit and missing a tit, but think of all the money he saved
What's up, bitches? Miss me?
What’s missing from an orphan's iPad?
The home button.
You’ve got something on your face. Wait, no, it’s just missing something. My dick.
Your dad is so fat that when he walks past the TV, I miss three episodes of South Park.
Why does Miss Piggy douche with honey?
Because Kermit likes his pork sweet and sour.
A Biologist, a Chemist, and a Statistician are out hunting.
The biologist shoots at a deer and misses five feet to the left.
The chemist shoots at the same deer and misses five feet to the right.
The statistician shouts, "We got him!"
Why don't rappers use the subway?
Because they don't want to miss their next rhyme.