"When I heard that not arguing or fighting in a relationship represents a lack of interest, that's when my girlfriend started missing her makeup box."
There once was a man named Dave who dug up a prostitutes grave, she was as moldy as shit and missing a tit, but think of all the money he saved
What's up, bitches? Miss me?
What’s missing from an orphan's iPad?
The home button.
You’ve got something on your face. Wait, no, it’s just missing something. My dick.
Your dad is so fat that when he walks past the TV, I miss three episodes of South Park.
Why does Miss Piggy douche with honey?
Because Kermit likes his pork sweet and sour.
A Biologist, a Chemist, and a Statistician are out hunting.
The biologist shoots at a deer and misses five feet to the left.
The chemist shoots at the same deer and misses five feet to the right.
The statistician shouts, "We got him!"
Why don't rappers use the subway?
Because they don't want to miss their next rhyme.
Why was the rapper always the first one at the party?
Because he never missed a beat!
Me: Brings in missing child.
Police: OMG this kid has been missing for 3 months. Here is your reward.
Me: Oh, cool.
NEXT DAY
Me: Brings in 8 other kids.
Police :0 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
How did the rapper find his missing phone?
He checked the track list.
If you think Tracy Latimer's murder was in any way justified, put on your helmet 'cause you're about to miss the short bus.
I don’t know why people don’t say "Cobain," because I’m pretty sure Kurt Cobain didn’t miss his last shot like Kobe did.
What do gingers miss most at a grate party?
The invitation.
There was a solar eclipse at school and we missed it, but it was alright. Your mum went to NASA and recreated it herself.
There was someone who slept late... he missed the dream!
Some rules of childhood cricket:
1. Whose bat, his batting.
2. Mother called to go while fielding. Then the turn will not be missed.
3. If the Umpire's decision is not acceptable, the decision of the Spectator, Front Uncle, or Neighbor Aunt shall be final.
My mom told me a joke about boxing.
I guess I missed the punch line.
Why did the man miss the funeral?
He wasn’t a mourning person.
