Miss

Miss jokes

Doctor

  • A doctor is at a bar one night and notices a young lady at the counter. He approaches her and says, "Hello there miss, pardon my intrusion, but I was curious to know, if someone were to pay you a million dollars to sleep with them, would you?"

    The young lady smiles and says, "That's a lot of money, of course, I would."

    The doctor smiles and says, "That's interesting, but what if someone were to pay you 5 dollars to sleep with them, would you?"

    The young lady says, "What, are you joking? That's no money at all. Of course, I wouldn't. What do you think I am?"

    The Doctor smiles again and says, "We already established what you are, now we're trying to establish a price."

  • 1
  • Food

  • There was a dog in the middle of the room, so I called it and started to play fetch. Then my mother shouted at me for playing with my food. I missed it, but it was tasty.

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  • Orphan

  • The teacher once said to some students, "I was an orphan before your principal hired me."

    The students said, "Oof, that is sad."

    The teacher tried to ignore them and take attendance. She said, "Is anyone missing?"

    The students said, "Your parents."

    The teacher got offended and later that day quit her job.

  • 0
  • Shot

  • Person: So you know that person's name you say when you make a hoop, well he's dead.

    Friend: Yeah, John Wilkes Booth.

    Person: How dare you say that he killed Abraham Lincoln?

    Friend: Terrible guy but he never missed a shot!

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  • Friend

  • My friend: You're so skinny, you never miss the elevator when it's closing. You just slip right through!😂

    Me thinking it's a gift from God: 🕴️😎

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  • Death

  • Robin Williams' death was the most horrible impression ever given. (RIP Robin Williams, you will be missed!)

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  • Touch

  • Me: Hey friend!

    Friend: Yes?

    Me: What is the missing sense? Seeing, smelling, _, tasting, hearing.

    Friend: Touch.

    Me: What do you spawn on Minecraft always? (jk only 99.99%)

    Friend: Grass.

    Me: And you get?

    Friend: Touch grass.

    Deer

  • When you’re hunting at a forest resort and you shoot a deer, but then you remember that there are no deer at the forest resort.

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  • Doctor

  • Doctor: I'm sorry, but you still have 10 seconds left.

    Man: What?! What about my family?! My son is still missing! I can't just leave like that!

    Doctor: Don't worry sir, I told your family.

    Man: That's... great... if they found my son, tell them that I love him more than anything and I couldn't keep that promise.

    The doctor watches the man closing his eyes while tears fell down from his eyes.

    Doctor: I will... dad...

    Tq for reading my crappy joke.

  • 0
  • Phone Call

  • Prince might be with a new girl, but he still wants Gwen, who doesn't? Other half.

    Gwen on the phone with Prince: Prince, stop sending me letters, poems, and memes through Gmail. We broke up, it's over!

    Prince on the phone with Gwen: I know, but that new girl that I been seeing is not you! I miss you a lot! Please come back to me.

    Gwen on the phone with Prince: I'm gonna hang up now!

    Prince on the phone with Gwen: PLEASE DON'T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Gwen on the phone with Prince: Sorry, I can't hear you...you're breaking up...what?!

    Prince on the phone with Gwen: Gwen! DO NOT HANG UP !!!!!!!!

    Gwen on the phone with Prince: Okay...bye!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • 7
  • Crush

  • I had a huge crush on this girl when I was eight. One recess we met together on the playground, and she brought me to the corner of the playground. That was my first kiss, and from there it got serious. I told my parents a week later and they freaked out, called the police, and they arrested my crush. I miss Mrs. Johnson.

  • 4
  • Parent

  • Parent: My parents never attended my birthdays.

    Birthday girl: Oh wow!

    Parent: Anyone missing?

    Birthday girl: Your parents.