5 Little Monkeys jumping on the bed one fell off and bumped his head momma called the doctor and the doctor said… “Wait, why are there mines all over the floor?”
So, I was walking down the path of my life with bigfoot, noticing the two pairs of footprints, mine and his. One day, I notice his prints are gone. I look up to him and say, “You had promised you would always be there for me. How is this possible?” He, then, looks me straight in the eyes, and say,“Raw!”
two husbands walk into a bar the first one says my wife is an angel the second one says your lucky mine is still alive
A big hefty porker left his balls exposed and said "Misses!! Come here and step upon mine balls please!!! I pay top dollar for this extreme delight! She pippity popped his balls like there was no tomorrow And he said “yuh yuh ay ay crush these nuts nuts”
If you thought other people’s puns are bad well you should sea mine. https://d2v9y0dukr6mq2.cloudfront.net/video/thumbnail/Vfv9BDZagiltwcyiq/underwater-sea-mine-danger-weapon-deadly-naval-ocean-sea_hvqhxuzi__F0000.png
a friend of mine chews gum lays back to yawn then chokes on the gom then i said god what u choking on dick?
I was out ice fishing, and had no nibbles all morning. About noon, this old guy comes out, drills a hole near mine, and starts catching fish as fast as he can bait the hook. I was getting frustrated without any luck, so I went over to ask him his secret. He said “Ymd ggt tm kppp tth yaems womg.” I said “Excuse,me, I didn’t get that?” so he mumbles even louder, “Ymd ggt tm kppp tth yaems womg!” I shook my head and said “I’m sorry, but I still didn’t understand what you said.” Frustrated, the man spits out a wad out of his mouth and says “YOU HAVE TO KEEP THE WORMS WARM!”
When your friend gets involved with someone it affects the friendship when ever a friend of mine has a new girlfriend ,we should say I looked like the person you used to know but I’ve been modified to survive in this relationship if we have an argument and she’s there I might disagree with you I’d rather countinue to see her naked.
A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but I soon realized that toucan play at that game.
I asked the doctor doing my prostate exam where i should put my pants. “next to mine” was not the answer i was expecting
3 boy chiwawa were hot about this girl chiwawa. She tells them I will date whichever one of you can use liver and cheese in the same sentence. First dog say… I love cheese but liver is bland. She replay… Really original. Next dog… I love liver but chesse makes me constipated… She replay… Ewe gross. Third dog steps up… Man Liver alone cheese mine. Winner dog 3.
So I was mining off the coast of Canada and one of my co-workers found gold. I said AU, bring that over here!
When you send a dick pic and she sends one back I’m glad mine is the biggest, so I get to f... my dad again
I know people don’t really like cat puns, but mine are PURRety good. Did you CATch that one? No? Because you are in a bad mood? You should WISKER those feelings away. We should PAWnder ways to fix your mood. Just remember to keep CLAWing at the problem. I am glad I can help MEW.