Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end you wish you had a club and spade.
A sex addict man meets a rich man around Christmas.
The sex addict asks the rich man, "What are you getting your wife this Christmas?" The rich man replies, "Diamond earrings and a Mercedes." The sex addict asks, "Why are you getting her two gifts?" The rich man says, "Well, if she doesn't like the earrings then she can drive to the store and exchange them."
The sex addict nods. Then the rich man asks him, "So what are you getting your wife this year?" The sex addict thinks about it for a second and replies, "A gold necklace and a dildo."
The rich man asks, "Why those two things?" The sex addict astutely reponds, "This way, if she doesn't like the jewelry she can go f... herself."
Three boys are playing on a slide when a genie appeared.
The genie says "what ever you shout when you go down the slide, I will grant you a bucket full of."
The first boy goes down the slide shouting "diamonds!", and he gets a bucket of diamonds.
The second boy goes down the slide and shouts "gold!", and gets a bucket of gold.
The third boy, who never listens or pays attention, goes down the slide and shouts "weeeeeeee!".
Why do orphans never play baseball? Cause they can never get a home run.
Y can't a orphan play base ball
Becuse he can't find home
your favorite artist must be reahana the way ur forehead shnes bright like a diamond
/This is out motto- "Never fear orphans! You are even more special than diamonds." Orphan club for ppl who stand up for orphans!
Life is like a game of poker, guys start by going with them clubs, ladies follow with a set of hearts, guys put down the diamonds, and before you know it you got a full house.
The pilot that hit the pentagon must suck at sex because he missed the hole
Uranus craps diamonds and is a cow 🐮
why cant the orphan play baseball because he does not know where home is
I had something about tripping over ice. Well, it slipped my mind, so I'll just test some diamonds to see if they're ice.
Hey girl are you a diamond pick? Cause I'm as hard as obsidian
The teacher asked the class what they wanted to be when they grew up Johnny said when he grows up hes going to be A motherfuking Hustler he's going to have a wife and live in a big house in the country with maids and butlers and drive a rolls- Royce and he's also going to have apartment in the City where his side bitch is going to live he's going to buy her expensive jewelry whatever she wants cars diamonds clothes shoes the teacher didn't know what to say so she calls on Sally what do you want to be when you grow up? Sally said I want to be Johnny's bitch.
A rich man and a poor man are talking about anniversaries. The rich man got his wife a Mercedes and a diamond ring. he says if the wife does not like the ring, she can take the Mercedes and leave. the poor man said he got his wife slippers and a dildo. He says if his wife does not like the slippers, she can go and fuck herself.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
