Mine Jokes

Jesse

A girl noticed hair growing between her legs and asked her mom about it. Her mom said it was her monkey and it grows hair.so she told her sister and her sister said that aint nothing mines already eating bananas

Yggdrasil Crimson

I asked the doctor doing my prostate exam where i should put my pants. “next to mine” was not the answer i was expecting

7
Anonymous
in Marriage

Two men were talking about their wives

The first man says “My wife is an angel.” The second man says “You’re lucky, mine’s still alive.”

Anonymous
in Depression

people talking me asking whats the worst day in the year for them. Person 1: The first day of school cause i don’t like going to school

Person 2: Valentines day cause its to lovey

Me: oh nice mines my birthday cause its when i was born

3
Random Person
in Orphan

On Xbox live an orphan can say they f ed your mom so you can say at least mine didnt die from it.

0
Allan C.
in Singing

I would like to dedicate this song to a friend of mine, who was run over last week and is in hospital.

The wheels on the bus go round and round!

Anonymous
in Divorce

A friend of mine just got divorced. He and his ex-wife split the house. He got the outside.

Anonymous

I saw a little kid on their bike before. So i ran home to see if it was mine. Mine was still chained up, so we’re good.

Anonymous
in Music

What do you get when you throw a piano down a mine shaft?

A flat miner.

1
Boi
in People

A husband and a wife have four children the oldest three are tall with blonde hair, the youngest is short with brown hair. The husband was on his deathbed and said “honey, can you be completely honest with me, is our youngest son mine?” The wife says “I swear to all that is holy he is your son.” Then the husband died and the wife muttered, “thank god he didn’t ask about the other three.”

2
Anonymous

I was watching my daughter play at the park, a woman came up to me and asked which one was mine, I said I was still choosing.

Anonymous
in Puns

So I was mining off the coast of Canada and one of my co-workers found gold. I said AU, bring that over here!

super
in Death

two husbands walk into a bar the first one says my wife is an angel the second one says your lucky mine is still alive

Anonymous
in Religion

I started a company selling land mines that look like prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof.

0
Anime_Wolf

People in plays say that everyone’s life is a drama but mines a tragedy.

Anonymous

I asked a Scottish friend of mine how many sexual partners he’d had. He started counting but fell asleep.

U make me barf

The teacher asked her class to use definitely in a sentence. Little Johnny raised his hand to answer, yet the teacher passed him and went on to Kevin. “The sky is definitely blue.” “Very good Kevin,but the sky can also be blue or black.” the teacher replied. Little Johnny raised his hand again as high as he could, yet the teacher passed right over him. And picked Annie from the back of the room. “The grass is definitely green.” “Very good Annie, but it can also be brown.” Little Johnny was waving his hand like crazy seeking her attention. Finally she called on him. “Mines more of a question, but do farts have lumps in them?” “Why no Johnny why would you ask such a question?” She questioned. “Well if they don’t have lumps in them, then I definitely just shit myself.”

8
Anonymous
in Self Harm

The other day me and my friend were at the shops buying crafts I was wearing a black top she was wearing a stripy top we were arguing abt who was more creative when she asked to prove that I am I just said “u buy ur stripes, I make mine”

Aiden

heres a list of puns not all of them are mine

1.Smaller babies may be delivered by stork but the heavier ones need a crane.

2.Yesterday, I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I’m okay, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.

  1. My sister bet that I couldn’t build a car out of spaghetti. You should’ve seen her face when I drove pasta.

  2. Getting the ability to fly would be so uplifting.

5.Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”

6.Why was the cookie sad? Because his mom was a wafer long!

7.Why didn’t the cat go to the vet? He was feline fine!

8.How do you make a good egg-roll? You push it down a hill!

9.That baseball player was such a bad sport. He stole third base and then just went home!

10.My parents said I can’t drink coffee anymore. Or else they’ll ground me!

Comment if you get it

"Sir, we’re mining too many useless mineral ores." Hitler: “Mine less, then.”

Grammar Nazi bursts in: “MINE FEWER.”

Hitler looks over: “Yes?”