The 10+ Best Million Dollars Jokes

I won the lottery for a million dollars today, so I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity. -- I now have $999,999.75.

Man to woman: Would you sleep with me for one million dollars? Woman: Sure. Man: How about for ten dollars? Woman: What do you think I am? Man: We’ve already established what you are. All we’re doing is negotiating price.

What did PETA say when a cheetah won 5 million dollars?

You cant beetah the cheetah

Sketchy dude: you push this button you get 100 million dollars but 100 million people would die Me: if i push it more than once do i get more money Sketchy dude: yes but more people die Me: *rapidly pushes button* this is how you solve world hunger. Sketchy dude: ... wtf, your insane. Me: ...

A millionaire LOVES alligators and filled his pool full of alligators, One night he has a party and says,"whoever can swim from one end to the other of the alligator infested pool unharmed will get a prize, my daughter or a million dollars." some people line up but they are hesitant. One man gets in the water, swims from one end to the other unharmed, and went to the millionaire. The millionaire says,"wow I can't believe you did it! So whats your prize?" the guy says,"I don't care about the million dollars or your daughter, I just want to know who the B@$*ard was that pushed me in the pool!"

What's the difference between a million dollars and a million dead babies?

I don't have a million dollars laying around my house.

A doctor is at a bar one night and notices a young lady at the counter, he approaches her and says "Hello there miss, pardon my intrusion but I was curious to know if someone were to pay you a million dollars to sleep with them, would you?" The young lady smiles and says "That's a lot of money, of course I would." The doctor smiles and says "That's interesting, but what if someone were to pay you 5 dollars to sleep with them, would you?" The young lady says "What are you joking? That's no money at all, Of course I wouldn't, what do you think I am?" The Doctor smiles again and says "We already established what you are, now we're trying to establish a price."

the titanic movie cost $200 million dollars to make, meanwhile the titanic ship cost $400 million to construct. Titanic was made by Paramount and 20th Century Fox. CHEAPSKATES!

So there is this button there's a 50% chance you get a million dollars there's a 50% chance that you turn into a turtle make them press the button and if they give the money you just push the orphan over take their money and run away because who they going to tell their parents.

Someone walks up to his dad and says Dad what’s the difference between potentiality and reality soo ok the dad says to the son go ask your mother sister and your brother if they’d sleep with the postman for a $1,000,000 so the son comes back 5 minutes later and said dad they all said they would sleep with the postman so son petentilay we have a million dollars but in reality we have two slits and a gay one