Friend: *hits head* Others: How many fingers am I holding up? Me to friend: How suicidal am I on a scale from one to ten? Friend: Ten Me: He's fine guys.
What do you call a peanut on the allergy table?
A kill streak.
Where did Johnny go during the bombing?
Everywhere.
A missile hit a hospital earlier this morning. Fortunately, no one was injured - but 100 were killed.
What has 5 arms, 3 legs, and 2 feet? The finish line at the Boston Marathon.
When David lost his ID, I called him Dave. Where did Dave go during the bombing? Everywhere. Guess who came crawling back?
Where did little Lucy go during the bombing?
Everywhere.
Man 1: Hey, I heard you survived a school shooting. What was it like?
Man 2: People were screaming and running everywhere. I was only able to get a few of them.
"Our all-transgender brigade has suffered heavy casualties!"
"What? We haven’t even sent them to fight!"
"They’ve already lost 30% of the unit!"
What's a similarity between Harvey Weinstein's pants and American bombs?
They both drop unannounced and leave mass casualties.
There was a fire at my high school when I was in Year 7.
When the local newspaper interviewed my teacher, they asked her how she was seeing the "bright side" of it.
She said, "Well, at least our new students got a warm welcome!"
54 students died that day.
9/11 wasn’t the date, it was the score.
what do you call a person who died in war? Little Johnny.
