Friend: *hits head* Others: How many fingers am I holding up? Me to friend: How suicidal am I on a scale from one to ten? Friend: Ten Me: He's fine guys.
What do you call a peanut on the allergy table?
A kill streak.
Where did Johnny go during the bombing?
Everywhere.
A missile hit a hospital earlier this morning. Fortunately, no one was injured - but 100 were killed.
What has 5 arms, 3 legs, and 2 feet? The finish line at the Boston Marathon.
When David lost his ID, I called him Dave. Where did Dave go during the bombing? Everywhere. Guess who came crawling back?
Where did little Lucy go during the bombing?
Everywhere.
Man 1: Hey, I heard you survived a school shooting. What was it like?
Man 2: People were screaming and running everywhere. I was only able to get a few of them.
"Our all-transgender brigade has suffered heavy casualties!"
"What? We haven’t even sent them to fight!"
"They’ve already lost 30% of the unit!"
What has 5 legs, 3 arms, and 2 feet?
The finish line at the Boston Marathon.
What has 6 legs, 10 arms, and 3 heads?
The Boston marathon finish line.
Who are the fastest readers in history?
9/11 victims. They went through 80 stories in 10 seconds.
What's a similarity between Harvey Weinstein's pants and American bombs?
They both drop unannounced and leave mass casualties.
There was a fire at my high school when I was in Year 7.
When the local newspaper interviewed my teacher, they asked her how she was seeing the "bright side" of it.
She said, "Well, at least our new students got a warm welcome!"
54 students died that day.
My grandpa's last words before he died in Vietnam were, "What the fuck did I step on?"
Why were the people in the Twin Towers upset? They ordered pepperoni pizza, but instead they got plane.
*World War 2 going on and then stops.*
Me: "I guess you would say it was a gory-ious battle."
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
The 9/11 victims, they went through 700 stories in 10 seconds.
What has 5 legs, 3 arms, and 7 feet?
The finish line at the marathon bombing.
9/11 wasn’t the date, it was the score.
