Metaphor jokes
My pencil sharpener when I bleed:
And I don't really care how bad it hurts. Cause you broke me first.
"I had raped the game young, you can call it statutory." - Kanye West in 2009 (Forever with Drake, Eminem, and Lil Wayne)
I'm always hanging in there.
Hanging on the wall.
Say this to your significant other (or your weird friends!)
Are you an unsafe staircase? 'Cause you look like you could use a railing.
I may not be the brightest candle on the cake, but you can still blow me.
This is not really a joke, but it's a question.
If life is a movie, then is death life? Is we seeing the trailer right now?
Q: Why do depressed people always have colored hair?
A: That’s as close as they can get to dye.
What fell down the tree first, the emo or the apple?
Guess what? The apple, because the emo got left hanging.
Quote of the day:
A bad attitude is like a flat tire. You can't go anywhere until you change it.
Chao!!!
What does a depressed person and a jacket have in common?
They’re both hanging in the closet.
Life is like a game of chess.
I don’t know how to play chess.
Life is like a penis, women make it hard.
Why's it so hard to come out of the closet? Just open the door!
Life is like a dick, it just gets hard for no reason.
Why can't you kill a depressed person?
Because they are already dead inside.
What do people have a shot at when it comes to love? Shooting them in the heart.
Me: What's that sound?
Ex: What?
Me: Oh, it's the elevator going up. BYEEEE see you on another level!
Are you my pantry? Because you look like a snack ;)
Little Johnny's sister, Suzy, sees her mom in the shower and asks, "What is that between your legs?" Her mom responds, "That is my garage." The next day, Suzy sees her dad in the shower and says, "What is that between your legs?" Her dad answers, "It is a motorcycle that gets parked in mommy's garage." The next day, Suzy came to dinner with blood all over her hands. Her mom asks, "Why is there blood all over your hands, Suzy?" Suzy says, "Well... little Johnny tried to put his motorcycle in my garage, so I ripped its wheels off."
Why did the girl study in the tree? She wanted a higher education.