Metaphor jokes
If I wanted to commit suicide, I would climb up to your ego, and then jump down to your IQ.
My kids found me in the family tree. I was hanging there for hours.
My pencil sharpener when I bleed:
And I don't really care how bad it hurts. Cause you broke me first.
"I had raped the game young, you can call it statutory." - Kanye West in 2009 (Forever with Drake, Eminem, and Lil Wayne)
I'm always hanging in there.
Hanging on the wall.
Say this to your significant other (or your weird friends!)
Are you an unsafe staircase? 'Cause you look like you could use a railing.
I may not be the brightest candle on the cake, but you can still blow me.
This is not really a joke, but it's a question.
If life is a movie, then is death life? Is we seeing the trailer right now?
Q: Why do depressed people always have colored hair?
A: That’s as close as they can get to dye.
What fell down the tree first, the emo or the apple?
Guess what? The apple, because the emo got left hanging.
Quote of the day:
A bad attitude is like a flat tire. You can't go anywhere until you change it.
Chao!!!
What does a depressed person and a jacket have in common?
They’re both hanging in the closet.
Life is like a game of chess.
I don’t know how to play chess.
Life is like a penis, women make it hard.
Why's it so hard to come out of the closet? Just open the door!
Life is like a dick, it just gets hard for no reason.
Why can't you kill a depressed person?
Because they are already dead inside.
What do people have a shot at when it comes to love? Shooting them in the heart.
Me: What's that sound?
Ex: What?
Me: Oh, it's the elevator going up. BYEEEE see you on another level!
Are you my pantry? Because you look like a snack ;)